akawest

11/17/10

I am a person of Walmart

Keep your lips tightly closed if you find yourself on the verge of snarky muttering, may be great advice, but we all can't abide by that rule. The same goes for snapping shots of those people who do not own a mirror. As my friend, Jenny, a plus size woman, once reported, she accosted another full figured gal in a public restroom, and asked, "What exactly were you thinking when you got dressed today?"

In the same way that ethnic, or religious groups can joke amongst themselves, without fear of a fist to the jaw,  a member of a group, People of Walmart, for instance, are also immune to repercussion. Be warned that I may now post embarrassing photos of friends and family. BECAUSE,

I am a person of Walmart. 

The fact that you will not find my picture on the website, does not preclude me from being part of  the in crowd, freak crowd, or whatever that interesting group of folks may be labeled. I might not have been photographed the day that I hit the store dressed as a pornographic pumpkin, but trust me, being that the month was July, and not October, it went beyond cute.

This is me wearing the my pumpkin dress. Note the tank worn underneath, so as not to look like a Halloween flasher. Yes, I realize that orange, worn outside of Clemson tailgaters is not a pretty sight on pale brunettes, but it was either pumpkin or snowman, when I bought the dress.

What was I thinking?

Oh, look, a comfy dress to wear all summer, and the base of a Halloween costume come fall. I must scoop this up before other women steal the idea, and the entire neighborhood greets trick-or-treaters clad in bright orange, with a green beanie on their heads.
Yes, it must have been something along those lines, because never before have I worn orange.

It gets worse.
In the quest to brown more of my skin, I hit the beach for a walk with a friend. Did I wear a tank underneath? No, no, no, as that would have covered a few inches of flesh, thus preventing tanning. As we stroll, I tug more than a few times to cover my bra, the strapless variety, which as any woman will tell you, was invented to annoy, but for the most part, the walk is unremarkable.

Can we run to Walmart?

Upon hearing those words, an alarm should have sounded, telling me that sweating in a car would be less of a punishment than stares. Silly me bounds from the vehicle, boobs popping out of the dress, and grabs a cart. I concentrate on the shelves, pretending that someone may or may not be taking my picture. The teenage boys that point and giggle, well, they are just wishing their moms...oh, never mind. It was bad.
   
Rit to the Rescue
The humiliation was too much to bear, but not enough to part with the dress. Pumpkin might not be my style, but grape could be. Grapes are cute. Just think of the California Raisins. Did you ever see a dancing pumpkin? And, of course, I drink wine a lot more often than I eat pumpkin pie. No, that was not the reason for the initial dress purchase. I shop sober, really, I do.

A quick bath in dye, left my dress transformed.
If waiting until spring for my grape debut on the beach, is too far off for you, I can be found on You Tube performing as a raisin.

12 comments:

  1. I can't wear orange either, it looks awful with my red hair. Love the color you dyed it though.

    -----------------------------------
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  2. LOL, Lisa! You are too funny! I am sitting here feeling like death warmed over, and I needed to laugh. Honestly, I did. Thank you. And I love you whether you are orange or purple. It matters not. And Lord help me if I've ever been photographed at WalMart because I can be pretty scary. Speaking of which, I was dancing to some jazzy music the other day as I pushed my buggy down the aisle of some store, and I turned to Mr. Magpie and said, "I hope they don't get this on camera." He said, "No doubt whatsoever, they got it!" ;-)

    I'm going back to bed now. I was going to try to blog, but I think I need sleep more. At least, I can crawl back into my nest with a smile on my face thanks to you!

    XO,

    Sheila :-)

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  3. Girl, that would look adorable with either a short sleeve tee or long sleeve. Top it with a little short cardigan or jacket, heck ya got a year round dress!!! Woohoo....and it's grape!
    Great transformation :o)

    God bless and have a marvelous day sweetied!!!

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  4. I can wear bright orange just fine, but purple makes me look ready for the undertaker ;-)

    Various relatives who have worked at WalMart in the past have indeed seen it all. I've heard the stories. Hearing what your plus-sized friend commented to the woman in the restroom reminds me of the comment my mom used to make: "They must not have a full length mirror."

    ps The chili was good!

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  5. I too shop W.M. There are many times that I could win the best dressed award while wearing a sweatsuit. But still I shop. I love RIT.

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  6. Too funny! I just hopped over from Java's Friday 40 and Over.

    Hugs,
    Kat

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  7. Love the transformation!

    Thanks for stopping by and following, I am now a follower of yours. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

    Have a great weekend!

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  8. I think the plum color is better! But it is way low!!! Very funny. My daughter and I are always looking at each other in strange ways when we go to Walmart and see how some people dress. The other night when we were waiting in the emergency room there were so many people there in the pj bottoms and slippers. We had to laugh because I made Olivia change out of her pj bottoms and into sweat pants. We just looked at each other and shook our heads. She had her appendix removed a few hours later.

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  9. hello from a misty dark Uk. Firstly thank you for visiting my blog earlier, posting a great comment and following. I'm really glad you did because now I have found your blog which I am following.
    We don't have Wal mart here but they own Asda so I know where you are coming from and hey I liked you in orange. I think you should have gone the whole hog and added a bright scarf with it....fluorescent ppink would have set it off nicely and you would certainly have been noticed. :)

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  10. Stumbled across your blog and I'm a new follower

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  11. You are so funny..I have red hair so rarely wear orange but ..my husband owns a Harley so I do have some black and orange!
    My kids crack me up before they go to Walmart they dress themselves and my grandkids like they were going to a pageant. "You never know who you will run into" they say!
    I am a new visitor and follower from Over 40.

    doreenmcgettigan.blogspot.com

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  12. Dropping back by to tell you once again how much I appreciate you as a friend! I cannot tell you how much it meant to me to read what you wrote on Eddie's roast. YOU are the sweetest one ever, Lisa, and I appreciate you and your friendship more than you will ever know. Thanks so much for being my friend!

    Love you...

    XO,

    Sheila :-)

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