akawest

Pumpkin Soup

2011-10-24T16:35:00.003-04:00

When I spotted this recipe, the first thing that I noticed was the curry powder. I love anything made with curry powder. Curry powder is the chocolate of spices, i.e., anything is better with curry. Whipping up this pumpkin soup was an easy way to fill the house with the autumnal scent of an Indian potpourri. That sounds silly to me, too. I just wanted to use the word autumnal, because I enjoy saying it aloud. What seasonal words bring a smile to your face? Get off my blog if you are thinking snow. We can’t be friends. We just can’t.

That’s right, I cook with garlic powder, and boxed stock. I forgot the evaporated milk when taking the ingredient photo. I used fat free evaporated milk.
As a huge fan of cold soups, I figured this would better after a few hours in the refrigerator. I was correct. The soup, which was merely good when hot, was amazing when served chilled.

Spicy Pumpkin Soup
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup chopped onions
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
2 teaspoons curry powder
1/2 teaspoon pepper
3 cups chicken broth
1 (15 ounce) cans pumpkin
1 1/2 cups evaporated milk (skim works fine)
Directions:
Saute onion in butter, until soft.
Stir in the curry, salt, and garlic powder.
Add the broth and pumpkin, bring to a simmer, and cook uncovered for 20 minutes.
Stir in evaporated milk and chill.
Serve with corn muffins, because every meal should feature corn muffins. They are autumnal, as you know.
This recipe is adapted from a recipe at food.com.

Linking to some of these great sites:

IKEA Mirrors

2011-10-20T13:43:00.000-04:00

Using IKEA’s Malma mirror as the starting point, I created a button mirror.

A quick raid of my button jar, a glue gun, and a few coats of white spray paint, made it easy to create this mirror.

The mirror now resides with my collection of white china pieces.

In our previous home, it hung on the bathroom wall.

Farther down the wall, four painted Malma mirrors are hung above the china cabinet. I originally was going to embellish these in some manner, but have decided with input from SH, who wishes we could start over, and decorate the entire house in mid century modern, that this pop of white in its plain state, looks great.

I know, the window needs more than just a blind. Any ideas on what would work?

Parting shots of the cute buttons, complete with thread remnants and shabbied up paint.

Dining Table to Coffee Table

2011-10-19T12:01:00.000-04:00

An unfinished oak table, which SH and I painstakingly finished, back when we were a young, fresh-faced cohabitating couple, served our family well as I served up scrumptious fare each night, while the kids were in their formative years. Any mention of the table's use as a backpack depository, or craft table, is purely the runaway imagination of my now grown offspring, who attempt modesty when discussing their completely perfect childhoods.

In hopes of convincing SH that forever altering the table was a grand idea, I removed the old coffee table, replacing it with only the tabletop. With no place to use his laptop, SH had no choice but to do as I wanted.

SH measuring, while attempting to suppress any thoughts of the fact that while other men have real workbenches, his work surface is a snack table.

Yeah! A large and completely level coffee table, which SH created with only four cuts. In shock, he rewarded himself with a trip to the driving range, only to hit four balls before the rain started. Suprisingly, he returned home, knowing I would find yet another project for him to tackle.

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Thighs Be Damned Coconut Cake

2011-10-18T12:56:00.006-04:00

While it took me over a year to come up with a birthday celebration (no one I know aged this past year???) excuse to bake what can only be described as the most amazing coconut cake in the world, I held onto the taste memory ever since I willed myself to eat only a bite of my friend, Mrs. Magpie's, birthday cake.

When the cake was presented, I told myself to think of my thighs, which since birth have not grown in proportion to the rest of my body. This is not an exaggeration. Had my mother kept a baby book photo record of my growth, along with my weight record, I would be sharing the proof. Never mind the fact that I reached my adult height of sixty inches at age fourteen, my thighs did not receive the full growth achieved message.

As soon as my taste buds met the cake on that fateful day in 2010, all thigh thoughts went out the window. I knew one day we would meet again. SH's birthday (the hubby, if you're new to my blog) was the excuse to bake.

Mrs. Magpie's friend, Nancy, graciously shared the recipe. Had she not, I would have pestered Mrs. Magpie unrelentlessly. Yes, the cake is THAT good.

~~Betty's Sour Cream~~ Thighs Be Damned Coconut Cake

1 package yellow cake mix
1 16-ounce container of sour cream (light sour cream worked well for me)
2 cups sugar
1 8-ounce container of whipped topping, thawed (After saving calories with light sour cream, I went for full fat whipped topping. We all have our limits, you know.)
3 6-ounce packages of frozen coconut, thawed and divided (Frozen coconut was a new to me product. It was found near the frozen fruit)

Bake cake according to directions in two 8-inch round cake pans.
Freeze cake.
Three days before you are ready to serve, slice horizontally into 4 separate layers.

Two of the four layers

Combine sour cream and sugar in a bowl, and then mix with 12 ounces of the coconut.

Combine one cup of this coconut mixture with your with your whipped topping in a separate bowl and set aside.

Spoon and spread remaining coconut/sour cream mixture evenly on the layers of your cake and stack.

Ice the top and the sides of the cake with the coconut and whipped topping mixture that you set aside.

Cover and chill in the refrigerator for three days. Cover the cake with a plastic or glass cake lid, whichever you have. If you don't have either, put toothpicks in the cake and make a tent out of tinfoil to cover.

When you are ready to serve, take the remaining 6 ounces of thawed coconut and pat that on the top and sides of the cake.

Eat a slice of cake.
Repeat until you see noticeable thigh expansion.
Trust me, it works.

This cake, according to my family of coconut lovers, is the best cake in the entire world. According to Nancy, it is from the Lighthouse Society cookbook. My guess is the St. Augustine Lighthouse, although my Google search came up short.

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akawest.com

2011-10-16T17:41:00.001-04:00

Last night, on a whim, I bought a domain. Hopefully I now will have the incentive to finish the blog header, work on some projects, write a bunch of awesome posts, learn to use my new camera, and save the world.

If you're a follower, please change your settings to akawest.com not akawest.blogspot.com. If you're not following, now is the time to boost my self-esteem, and become my newest follower. Just click on the button on the right sidebar, and poof you will be able to read my rants...I mean posts.

A Little ORB Will Do Ya

2011-10-11T12:32:00.004-04:00

When we built our house, one of the things that we saved money on, was not upgrading the light fixtures. This photo, taken two years ago, while the house was still under construction, shows the one step up from bare bulb fixture. Wait, I had better not call it that, as it will be painted, and be making an appearance in another room, but that's a story for another post.

After seeing so many light fixture transformations on blogs, I was inspired.

The starting point was a $3.00 shiny brass light fixture, that I purchased from a thrift store. I met a man that day who told me that he had found a ten buck laptop, which only needed to be reformatted, making my find not as impressive, but it made me happy.

After a few coats of Oil Rubbed Bronze spray paint, I was quite pleased. Yes, the screws need to be painted, and a more suitable bulb needs to be purchased, but since it took two years to get this far, let's not get our hopes up.

Next on the to do list is painting the nail pop repair, and hanging the mirror, which I wrote about here.
Oh, and fixing the whatever you call that strip at the bottom of the door, that BG's dog chewed, would be a good idea. While I am listing to dos, the back of the wreath holder needs to be painted to blend in with the door, the rug straightened, and the floor can always be washed.

Forget it, I think I shall read more blogs.

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Paper Doll Halloween Costume

2011-09-28T09:19:00.000-04:00

Source- Family Fun

This is my dream Halloween costume. My childhood was filled with paper dolls. Each month I would wait for my mom's McCall's magazine, excited by the promise of a new Besty McCall paper doll.
While Betsy was fun, she was a little girl. Even as a five year old, I longed to be an adult. My bride and groom paper dolls might not have been made of flesh, but they were grown ups.

While many a tab was accidentally snipped off, as I painstakingly cut out the outfits, I simply invented the Land of Crooked, a place ruled by Queen Off Kilter. What I lacked in eye hand coordination, I made up for in imagination

All these years later, I am still ruling, and still mighty crooked.

Floor Cleaning with Pantiliners

2011-09-23T17:10:00.001-04:00

Thinking I would do a bit of Googling, in hopes to pad this blog post (love those pathetic puns), I came upon info that, well, I just did not want to read. Damn it! As if I am not neurotic enough, I have to read this:

Danger of wearing pantyliner everyday

No, no, no, I will never give up my pantyliners. I love ~~the fresh feeling~~ their use as a floor cleaner, which I will explain in a moment.

I am all too familiar with what some view as the absurdity of daily pad wearing, unless one is menstruating, or has incontinence. Back when the concept was new, I was eating dinner with my then beau's family, trying to feign sophistication, which when you are 19, is beyond silly.

It was bad enough that said guy wanted me to lie about my age, hoping his family wouldn't think of him as a cradle robber (he was), and that one of his nieces said I had a valley girl voice (I didn't). His sister started in on the ludicrousness of pantyliners. I sat silent back then, but never again.

Pantyliner are one the best inventions on earth. Yes, they are. Not only do they catch errant drips of urine, blood, or vaginal secretions, but they are perfect for floor cleaning.

Upon removing your pantyliner, flip it sticky side out, and use it to catch a few hairs that have fallen to your bathroom floor. No matter how good of a housekeeper you think you are, there will always be hair, and fuzz.
Here's your proof:

Project Procrastination or Blame it on Blogs

2011-09-14T11:09:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite type of blog posts is the keeping it real variety. While drinking my morning coffee, in hopes that the caffeine would propel me off of my desk chair, I opened my email to find Allison Hepworth's blog post about procrastination.

Instead of actually tackling a project, I grabbed my camera.

This shelf, which I bought at a garage sale, was left unpainted, and used upside down, on the floor, housing cookbooks. Recently, I managed to slap on some red and black paint. It needs to be hung on the wall, obviously.

I love spray paint. I also love bins, and labels. Note the bins that still need to be labeled, and the fact that I need to buy another bin for the ever growing spray paint collection. Oh, and that baseball cap needs to be put away.

This is the other side of the garage, where some of the plastic shoe boxes remain label-less.

The desk needs shelves, so the books on the floor can be removed, and the DVD player will be housed in a more aesthetically pleasing way.

The wood for the shelves that needs to be sanded, and stained, is ready to go.

This unopened smoke alarm that was bought for the basement in our old house, needs to be donated to Goodwill. Donations to thrift stores have been made countless times since we have moved, but this has escaped the box.

Food bank items that I keep forgetting to donate.

Light fixtures that have a coat of primer, but will wait until my asthma calms a bit,
before receiving their final spray.

This table needs to be taken apart, and stored until we need it again.

My $6.99 Goodwill find, will look so much cuter when it is painted.

As will this $5.00 bench. I do need to find some fabric for the top, but I have the paint.

My under the bedroom chair pile of scrapbooking.

I promised BG that her summer scrapbook will be completed before next summer.

When the builder fixed the nail pops, I was left with the paint touch-ups.

The asthma excuse holds for this, and the other rooms where those pesky nails didn't stay put.

$3.99 frames from Goodwill. I need to order photos for the cute idea that I have in my head.

SH has decided that when I paint the nail pop fixes, he will hang this heavy mirror.

The mirror remains from a vanity, one of our first furniture purchases,

which we didn't have room for in this house.

The dog leashes need to be hung in the closet.

The bright purple spray paint is waiting to re-do my old jewelry box,

a thrift store find many moons ago.

Yep, a new toilet seat, which neither of us wants to install.

No one uses that bathroom, anyway.

I stamped the fabric, and painted the tray.

The fabric needs to trimmed and Mod Podged in this tray.

Doesn't everyone place a napkin over their chairs?

I did once recover the seat, but I don't like the blue anymore.

Come to think of it, I don't like the toile napkin, either.

We need a real fabric store in town. Hobby Lobby doesn't cut it.

The pencil vase that I crafted, needs some sanding, and more spray paint.

The stepping stone needs to be made.

I love making those, so I don't know why I haven't opened the box.

The broken nozzled paint cans need to be fixed.

The empty vitamin bottles are used to lift things up for painting.

I started sorting clipped recipes, BEFORE I drank my coffee this morning,

only because recipe sorting was more fun than unloading the dishwasher.

What should you be doing, instead of reading blogs?

Much Better

2011-09-08T14:02:00.000-04:00


This glaring monstrosity has always bothered me.

No, not the always dusty, large black toaster, but the unused white plastic, phone jack thingy, that annoys me to no end. Yes, I am easily amused, and easily annoyed, making this mini project, a real winner.

Home Depot sells a textured, paintable cover. It took me close to two years to remember to buy one.


Now, staring at the wall is almost fun.

Noodle Kugel

2011-09-06T21:11:00.001-04:00

My Facebook status:
I just popped a noodle kugel into the oven. It has been ages since I made one, so I am excited for dinner.

Based on the comments I received, if you didn't grow up eating noodle kugel, the concept sounds wonky. So, for all of you kugel deprived folk (it is YUMMY), here is how I make it.

I also like it with raisins, instead of peaches. It is equally good made with more eggs, for a firmer kugel. Full fat dairy products are even better, producing a creamier kugel, but 2% cottage cheese, and fat-free sour cream work just fine.

Now, all of my friends from childhood, will weigh in with their own versions. No matter how you make it, noodle kugel is a great comfort food. It is good served cold, or hot. It also freezes well.


The Ingredients (plus some butter, and cereal)

Boil 16 oz of noodles al dente.

Toss with a few tablespoons of butter.

Mix in 16 oz of sour cream, and two beaten eggs (or more, if you like).

Add the 24 oz cottage cheese, and mix well.

Sprinkle on some cinnamon, and mix.

Spread half the mixture in a buttered 9'x13' pan.

Drain, and chop the peaches. Spread on top of the noodle mixture in pan, and top with remaining noodle mixture.

Bake or add a topping, if you desire.


Cinnamon Life looks like a good plan.

Crush the cereal, and sprinkle over the unbaked kugel.

Ready for baking

Bake 45-60 minutes, until it is a bit crisp on top, and bubbly hot.

Yummy!

This post is being linked at:

Tuesdays at the Table

Sunday Stealing

2011-09-05T08:38:00.000-04:00

Sunday Stealing: The 20 Questions of Doom Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Do you believe in Heaven?
No.

2. Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes, but luckily the paramedics were quick to respond.

3. What jewelery do you wear 24/7?
None.

4. Would you ever consider having plastic surgery?
Yes.

5. What do you wear to bed?
Mismatched t-shirts, and yoga pants, or the Pillsbury Dough Boy pants that I won in a contest.

6. Have you ever done anything illegal?
Yes.

7. Who was the last person that you touched?
My husband.

8. Where did you eat last?
Last night at home, I had hummus on a bread round.

9. Besides your own blog, are there any that you routinely read but never comment on?
I comment on the ones that I read.

10. Ever been involved with the police?
I briefly dated a cop when I was in college.

11. Do you talk in your sleep?
Not often.

12. Now a celebrity fantasy.
Who would you take on a ménage à trois for a dirty weekend?
Bill Clinton, and John Slattery.

13. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
Yes.

14. Where do you wish you were?
I am content with being at home this morning.

15. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes, starting with two rides when I was in the womb, and three after that.

16. Is there any type of dancing that you love to do?
I used to love ballet, but haven't danced in 20 years.

17. Last gift you received?
Last week, two pretty purses arrived in the mail. I have generous friends.

18. Last sport you played?
I don't.

19. Last place you went on holiday?
Orlando

20. Current Song?
I rarely listen to music, so songs don't often stick.

My Boob was almost on Facebook

2011-05-16T19:19:00.000-04:00

A few hours ago, while waiting for an appliance repair guy, I was growing restless. After snapping a few assorted photos of desk items, I turned the phone, and pulled up my shirt, which happened to be a faded Life is Good tee, a gift from a friend with a much more optimistic view of the world. The shirt had been my sleep attire, i.e., I was planning on greeting the appliance dude, bra-less, unshowered, sporting Bride of Frankenstein hair, and clad in my version of a nightie.

Thinking I could have some Photoshop fun (perhaps a daisy areola), I decided to email myself a few of the most promising pics. Luckily, my reflexes were quick enough not to tap the red Facebook button, thus sparing my Facebook friends from a photo of my right breast. I swear, that button was never an option when I was emailing photos before.

Silly as it may sound, being one finger slip away from over sharing, left me a bit shaken. A call to GE, to see if I had time for a shower, was met with the information that I was on the list, and someone would arrive by 5:00 PM.

Risking not hearing the doorbell, I attempted to shower quickly. My one vice in life is a long, extremely hot shower, so asking myself to accept a quickie is not an easy option. I manged to wash my hair, shave my legs, pleasure myself, and for once, did not run out of hot water.

I then dressed in a demented housewife outfit, which included Pillsbury Doughboy pajama bottoms, a coordinating top, in powder blue, which according to my daughter is an old person's color (baby blue is the newer term), and yes, a bra.

As for the photo, check your email, there was one "lucky" recipient...almost. I chickened out, and deleted, but not before I filled the screen with a flower creation.

Oh, and the repair man, well, he arrived at 4:00 PM, clanked around a bit before proclaiming victory over the machine, and as he was writing up the bill, he glanced down, and said, "Cute pants, but daisies would suit you better."

Sunday Stealing

2010-12-12T16:17:00.002-05:00

1. What do you add to your coffee?
Fat free half and half.

2. What are you reading now?

It is rather depressing book, although it states what we know, but wish that we didn't.
One wrong choice, and you're fucked, or in this case, the whole world is.

3. Do you own a gun?
Yep, I sure do.

4. Are you registered to vote?
Yes, and I vote.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yes.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
At age 17, during a month long phallic food phase, I subsisted on a diet of hot dogs, twinkies, (mmm...cream filling!) and corn on the cob. Hot dogs are proof that one can happily eat ground garbage, as long as it is seasoned well.

7. Favorite Christmas Song?

Simple Plan's My Christmas List has been my favorite since I first heard it when I was working in a craft store. The lyrics are not exactly what I would choose for inducing shoppers to spend money, but no one asked my opinion.
Even though I heard it a zillion times during the Christmas season, I adored it so much that I favorited (that surely is a verb these days, right?) the video on YouTube, memorized the lyrics, and started performing it at parties. Just ask, and I shall sing it for you.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
coffee

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes, the girlie kind. I am amazingly flexible, for being over seventy.

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
Michael

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery?
I wear gold knot earrings almost daily.

12. Favorite hobby?
Most of my hobbies have gone by the wayside. I used to always be creating, or growing something.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?
The last time someone idolizes me, it did not end well. Of course, that was not part of a work relationship.

14. Do you have ADD?
No

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
I interrupt people when they are talking. Try as I may, I can't control it.

16. What’s your Middle name?
I don't have a middle name.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
The dryer sure is noisy.
My finger hurts.
I need to find my phone charger.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Bananas, eggs, and a gun.

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink.
Coffee, beer, and unsweetened tea.

20. Current worry right now?
Nothing worth mentioning.
ETA- After reading #21, I am a bit concerned that I might be a man.

21. What side do you dress to?
Huh? As in what side do I put my penis? I was under the impression that my clit was of a normal size, and did not have to be arranged in my panties.

22. Favorite place to be?
Beach, library, or bed.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Worrying that my neighbor's fireworks were going to hit my house.

24. Where would you like to go?
Any place where it is hot.

25. Name three people who you will see today.
Michael, Jacques, and Kimmy.

Sunday Stealing

2010-11-28T15:00:00.000-05:00

1. If you could interview anyone on your blog (alive or dead) who would you chose and why?

Bill Clinton for his brain, Greg Travous for his conviction, and Scott Raimondo for his talent.

2. What do you feel is your strength as a blogger?

My ability not to piss off people. Being that I am not a very tolerant person, perhaps there is a lesson in there.

3. Can you share a little bit about yourself that you have not already mentioned on your blog?

Much of what I write, I do not share, or I share it anonymously.

4. If you were forced to change the name of your blog, what would you change it to? Why?

"Eat, Fuck, Read", because I can't think of a word that pertains to books, and begins with F to complete food and fuck.

5. What do you think is the most fulfilling part of being a blogger?

Taking a blogging friendship into real life. Mrs. Magpie, who, after reading this meme, is most likely questioning why she puts up with her foul mouthed, crazy friend, went from blogging buddy to bestie, proving that classy and crass can co-mingle.

6. What would you do with your last day if you found you had only one more day to live?

Nope, I won't think along those lines. I am all about positive thinking. The pessimism is all an act.

7. You’ve been doing medical research for decades and have finally found a cure. What was it that you found a cure for and why did you choose this particular ailment?

Working ears for all, would mean that my Deaf daughter could hear my nagging, and off key singing, and wouldn't need to rely on my crappy grasp of ASL.

8. What is your most guilty pleasure?

Long, steamy showers have always been my thing.

9. Answer only one. What is your favorite book, movie or TV show?

Freaks and Geeks has so far been my favorite TV show.

10. What do you think is the very best smell in the world? The one smell that can take you back to a time and place of a very vivid memory in your past?

Smells that invoke the past, are not necessarily pleasant. Poopy diapers come to mind, as does the sickening, morning odor of beer left overnight in plastic cups, because you went to bed before cleaning up from your lazy friends.

Oops, I meant to write, the talcum powder scent of a baby's bottom, harkens back to my time as a young mom. Wait, I never used powder, because talc is dangerous to vaginas. I don't recall corn starch as having a particularly wonderful scent. Oh, I know-Johnson's Baby Shampoo! The no more tears formula smelled really good, and was perfect for creating those silly, troll like hair styles in the tub.

Junk? I think not.

2010-11-24T18:56:00.001-05:00

How did we go from the family jewels to junk? Who coined that stupid term? I know for certain it wasn't a middle aged man. Hey, blog readers below the age of 5O, you'll understand this better in the future. Today your biggest worry in life might be a TSA employee's gropes. One day the initials PSA will worry you more.
And now we have this story:
TSA officer suspected of kidnapping, assault

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, yeah.

JUNK

4 Cs

2010-11-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

These cupcakes, which I last served in April, are too perfect in their gooey goodness, i.e., I don't want the temptation in the house, but I look forward to an excuse to bake them again.

Chocolate Coconut Cheese Cupcakes

• 1 box of Devils Food Cake Mix
• 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 1/3 cup of granulated sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 cup of semi-sweet mini chocolate chips
-chocolate frosting of your choice-

Preheat oven to 350.
Prepare cake mix according to directions on
package.
Mix together cream cheese, sugar, egg,
Fold in chocolate chips.
Fill cupcake tins (w/liners) half full of cake mixture and
drop in 1 teaspoon of cheese mixture into each
cupcake.
Bake according to package directions.
Frost with chocolate frosting. Decorate with coconut and mini chips.

This cupcake post is being linked at:

Tasty Tuesdays

Tuesdays at the Table

Ten things that I have learned this week

2010-11-21T19:23:00.000-05:00

1.A plastic knife breaking into three pieces, is a tip-off that the brownies you planned to take a friend, have baked into a chocolate brick. Have a back up plan (I didn't), or you will arrive empty handed (I did).
Prior knowledge:
If you cut brownies with a plastic knife, not metal, they won't tear.

The path to Hell is paved with good intentions.

2.At Gucci, blue suede shoes are a reality. You will be shelling out $399 for footwear.

Prior knowledge:
PG, and her man, enjoy trying on things they won't be buying,, taking pictures, and posting them on Facebook. She didn't learn that from her mom.

3.The phrase, "Fat guys are fun to fuck." served as pillow talk last night for one of my friends.
He was mildly offended, but thinks this woman might be "the one". Ideas of a suitable wedding gift, escape me.
Prior knowledge:
My friends call me after dates, and divulge it all.

4.Kalamata olives are worth the extra cost.
Prior knowledge:
I love, love, love olives of any sort, even generic ripe.

5.Little boys played with Viking figurines in the 1950s.
Prior knowledge:
My idea of a great time is being regaled by tales of my friend's childhoods.
Bring out the photos and I get excited. If you still own a slide projector, I will get naked.

6.In a mere thirteen years, I will be at liberty to say anything without fear of repercussion.
According to an expert, that is when I will be considered an old woman.
Prior knowledge:
I am getting a head start. My only hope is that others share my sense of humor.

Such a ladylike pose

7 Photographed wearing sunglasses, I look the same as I did in 1985.
Prior knowledge:
I am delusional.

At least I now wear underwear

8.The mention of one of my friend's name, brings about an eye roll from men, and women.
This phenomenon was evident today, making me certain I hadn't imagined it in the past.
Prior knowledge:
People with strong personalities, have always been my cup of tea.

9.A mouthful of cranberry sauce, washed down by a swallow of milk, leaves an awful taste in your mouth.
While my childhood Thanksgiving dinners were accompanied by milk, I don't recall this experience. Next time cranberry sauce is on the table, I will glug some milk, and report my result.
Prior knowledge:
Learning other people food likes and dislikes is amusing.

I am shocked

10. My blog is found most often by people searching for sex words, and not recipes.
Prior knowledge:
Those who can, do. Those who can't teach. It might not fit, but then again...

I am a person of Walmart

2010-11-17T09:41:00.001-05:00

Keep your lips tightly closed if you find yourself on the verge of snarky muttering, may be great advice, but we all can't abide by that rule. The same goes for snapping shots of those people who do not own a mirror. As my friend, Jenny, a plus size woman, once reported, she accosted another full figured gal in a public restroom, and asked, "What exactly were you thinking when you got dressed today?"

In the same way that ethnic, or religious groups can joke amongst themselves, without fear of a fist to the jaw, a member of a group, People of Walmart, for instance, are also immune to repercussion. Be warned that I may now post embarrassing photos of friends and family. BECAUSE,

I am a person of Walmart.

The fact that you will not find my picture on the website, does not preclude me from being part of the in crowd, freak crowd, or whatever that interesting group of folks may be labeled. I might not have been photographed the day that I hit the store dressed as a pornographic pumpkin, but trust me, being that the month was July, and not October, it went beyond cute.

This is me wearing the my pumpkin dress. Note the tank worn underneath, so as not to look like a Halloween flasher. Yes, I realize that orange, worn outside of Clemson tailgaters is not a pretty sight on pale brunettes, but it was either pumpkin or snowman, when I bought the dress.

What was I thinking?

Oh, look, a comfy dress to wear all summer, and the base of a Halloween costume come fall. I must scoop this up before other women steal the idea, and the entire neighborhood greets trick-or-treaters clad in bright orange, with a green beanie on their heads.
Yes, it must have been something along those lines, because never before have I worn orange.

It gets worse.

In the quest to brown more of my skin, I hit the beach for a walk with a friend. Did I wear a tank underneath? No, no, no, as that would have covered a few inches of flesh, thus preventing tanning. As we stroll, I tug more than a few times to cover my bra, the strapless variety, which as any woman will tell you, was invented to annoy, but for the most part, the walk is unremarkable.

Can we run to Walmart?

Upon hearing those words, an alarm should have sounded, telling me that sweating in a car would be less of a punishment than stares. Silly me bounds from the vehicle, boobs popping out of the dress, and grabs a cart. I concentrate on the shelves, pretending that someone may or may not be taking my picture. The teenage boys that point and giggle, well, they are just wishing their moms...oh, never mind. It was bad.

Rit to the Rescue

The humiliation was too much to bear, but not enough to part with the dress. Pumpkin might not be my style, but grape could be. Grapes are cute. Just think of the California Raisins. Did you ever see a dancing pumpkin? And, of course, I drink wine a lot more often than I eat pumpkin pie. No, that was not the reason for the initial dress purchase. I shop sober, really, I do.

A quick bath in dye, left my dress transformed.
If waiting until spring for my grape debut on the beach, is too far off for you, I can be found greeting guests at the winery.

A Dad Declared Winner

2010-11-16T10:36:00.000-05:00

Last winter, when my father, and his wife, were making their annual trek to Sarasota, they stopped by for dinner. Knowing my father enjoys meat, I prepared two types of chili. While I can't say I was enamored with this dish, it was a huge hit with my guests. Being that my dad is 79, and has consumed many bowls of chili, I would think he knows his stuff.

Chili Eatin' Pops

Chili Verde

1 lb ground turkey
1 cup chopped onion
2 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp dried oregano
1 14.5 oz can chicken broth
1 cup bottled salsa verde
2 cans (15 oz each) Great Northern beans
Canned corn, if desired

In a large skillet, using 2 tsp of olive oil, cook turkey and vegetables over medium high heat, breaking up the meat and browning it.
Add the rest of the ingredients, except beans, and corn, if used. Cook five minutes.
Stir in beans, and corn, and heat until hot.
4 servings

This dad endorsed recipe is being linked at:

Tasty Tuesdays

Tuesdays at the Table

Tempt My Tummy Tuesday

aka the Purse Girl

2010-11-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

Almost on a daily basis, I obsess on something, or someone. There is no rhyme nor reason, as they say. Often I read something, a word in an online news story, or a blog post, and my mind takes off with such speed, that I sometimes want to bash in my head, take to my bed, or pour myself two fingers of vodka. My abhoration of self-mutilation, inability to nap, and fear of alcoholism, stop me from all these behaviors.

Then I remember the purpose of television.

My patience is very limited, which is why I prefer watching an entire season, or ten, of a TV series, and not tuning in weekly. After watching six seasons of The Office, while sitting on my totally uncomfortable computer chair, purchased in 1988, when my eldest kiddo was in diapers, and meant for her to sit at a desk as she learned spelling, the only obsessive thought I had, was buying a cushion, so that my butt would stop aching.

There was also a bit of pausing to keep a list of favorite quotes, 'cause you never know when one might be needed to add fluff to a blog post. Here ya go:

“You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities (looks at Dwight).” –Angela- Take Your Daughter to Work Day

Not doing it for you? It worked for me.
One more, and I promise I will close my quote file.

"The purse-girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies." -Dwight- Hot Girl

Funny stuff, even if he weren't describing moi.

Now, you must understand, I am not one of those people who look down my nose at anyone's idea of relaxation or HUMOR. If spending your nights on Facebook playing Farmville, is your idea of bliss, unleash your inner Oliver Wendell Douglas with abandon. While I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR, football, or hunting, I embrace others who enjoy these activities. Would you believe tolerate?

I do understand that we all have stress. If watching men bash into each other, gives you some sort of vicarious thrill, making you forget your daily life...nah, I won't pick on football. You can't get me to understand the appeal of watching strangers burn calories. Come to think of it, I don't want to watch your Pilates class, either. Nope, I just don't get it.

Maybe, because I am denied the feel good obsession of having "my" teams, I obsess on words, and information. I don't care who may be heading to the Super Bowl, but I get a twinge of excitement when a local blogger posts another thought provoking piece, or I learn something new, and rather interesting .

Yesterday, Pastor Bill* was discussing Shiva, as in sitting, not the Hindu God. I was shocked to learn that not bathing was part of the tradition. I guessed this would pertain to Orthodox Jews, and not Reformed or Conservative, as my relatives, and friends always were showered.

So, that was yesterday's obsession. I couldn't stop thinking about body odor, which only works for me when the whole pheromone thing comes into play, not at funerals. I did a search online for some answers, settling my mind. Did you think my obsessions were going to be as exciting as watching Peyton Manning? That name just popped into my head. He still plays, right?

*When you allow your children to choose their own beliefs or non-beliefs, you may find yourself attending church. To me, whatever you believe, or don't believe, is the truth for you. I wish everyone felt that way.

P and P

2010-11-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

Peanut butter, spread on a rice cake, meets my tongue on a daily basis. However, for the past ten days, getting my daily peanut fix, has been impossible. After 355 days*, the refrigerator condenser decided to call it quits, leaving me the choice of peanut butter free days, or turning to the nasty type of peanut butter that is shelf stable.
EW! How did I grow up eating P&J sandwiches made with Peter Pan?
While I adore peanut butter, especially crunchy, I like it made from peanuts. Add sugar and hydrogenated oil, and you RUIN, yes you ruin a wonderful spread.
THE PLAN:
When the refrigerator is fixed, I plan on overdosing on peanut butter. My plan is to mix up a jar, and then completely cover a man in the peanuty goodness, and lick it off, slowly. I am thinking for this feast creamy will be a good choice, as tiny peanut pieces might impede quick spreading on the skin, and pose a choking hazard when I am lustfully licking.

PORTNOY as in Portnoy's Complaint, is the second P in today's post. My fiction, which I would love to tell you is on par with Philip Roth's, but you aren't that stupid, and I am not that delusional, even if a few of my friends tell me otherwise, often features Jewish characters...OKAY, the truth is, last night I was looking for a writing prompt of sorts, and I Googled Philip Roth quotes for inspiration. I found this:

"These girls with old gents don't do it despite the age—they're drawn to the age, they do it for the age. Why? In Consuela's case, because the vast difference in age gives her permission to submit, I think. My age and my
status give her, rationally, the license to surrender, and surrendering in bed is a not unpleasant sensation. But simultaneously, to give yourself over intimately to a much, much older man provides this sort of younger woman with authority of a kind she cannot get in a sexual arrangement with a younger man. She gets both the pleasures of submission and the pleasures of mastery."
— Philip Roth (The Dying Animal)

It might not be from my favorite Roth book, but submission, and older gents, rank up there with natural peanut butter, and therefore I can tell you that any sort of writer's block I was suffering, has passed. Don't worry, I shall stick to posting recipes, not tales of debauchery. Of course, with the right incentive, I might be persuaded to share any future peanut butter adventures.

*The fridge, which amazingly died after less than one year, is looking rather pathetic in its emptiness. Tinned tuna, Datil peppers, and Taco Bell hot sauce packets, are all that remain on the shelves.Whirlpool insists that if they do not track down the needed condenser by Wednesday, that they will deliver a new appliance.

Forget the Bird

2010-11-08T21:39:00.001-05:00

While it might be more aptly referred to as dressing, since I don't stuff the turkey, in my mind, it is stuffing, and it must be made with the recipe below. I used to make this for Thanksgiving every year, along with cranberry relish (recipe below), mashed sweet potatoes with bourbon, and a scrumptious spinach casserole. Now that family is scattered, it is every man for himself, and I may never need to touch another dead bird again.

That's right, y'all can have your turkey. I will never understand the appeal. The side dishes are king. Besides, pulling out that bag of innards, is a nasty job. I wear gloves, and then I figure they are full of germs, and I throw them in the trash. Being wasteful then puts me in a bad mood. Who knows what I then do to the food.

Last year I served beans, and cornbread. The year prior, Indian food was on the menu. This year BG wants to make spanakopita as the main dish, and pumpkin pie as dessert. That sounds like an interesting combo. If you'd like an invite to our mixed up ethnic feast, send me an email.

Harvest Stuffing

1 c. shredded carrot

1 c. chopped celery
1/2 c. chopped onion
1/2 c. butter
1 tsp. ground sage
1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon pepper
8 c. dry bread cubes (I use bagged)
2 c. finely chopped and peeled apple
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
1/4 c. wheat germ
1/2 to 3/4 c. chicken or vegetable broth

In a skillet, cook carrot, celery and onion in butter until tender but not brown.
Stir in sage, cinnamon and pepper. In a large mixing bowl, combine bread cubes, apple, walnuts and wheat germ.
Add cooked vegetable mixture.
Drizzle with enough chicken broth to moisten, tossing lightly.
Use to stuff one 10 pound turkey, or bake in a casserole, which is what I do.
Makes 10 servings.

Cranberry Relish

12 oz bag of cranberries

3 T chopped red onion, or shallots

3/4 C golden raisins (plumped in warm water if not soft)

3/4 C red currant jelly

1/3 C sugar

Generous pinch of Cayenne pepper

3 T lemon juice

Pick over cranberries and rinse them. Chop coarsely by hand or in food processor.

Scrape cranberries into a bowl, and add the onion.

Chop the raisins and add to cranberries.

Combine the rest of the ingredients, except for the lemon juice, in a small saucepan.

Heat the mixture, stirring, over medium heat until it is quite hot, and the sugar is dissolved. I

Pour the hot mixture over the cranberries, onion, and raisins.

Add the lemon juice and mix well.

Cover and refrigerate overnight before serving.

This no turkey post is being linked at:

Tasty Tuesdays

Tuesdays at the Table

Goodies From Granny's House

Tempt My Tummy Tuesday

Sunday Stealing

2010-11-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

Sunday Stealing: The 14 Question Meme

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. What do you consider your hometown to be?

I actually feel more ties to my new town, than the one that I left 18 months ago.
With all due respect to those who love bleeding black and gold, shivering for months on end, and
pride themselves in using words such as yinz, I miss only one thing, and that is India Garden's buffet.
Okay, and a few actual humans, too.

2. What’s the hardest part of your average day?

Behaving nicely to people who are jerks. I can almost always see beyond insecurities, jealousy, and past hurts of others, but sometimes I want to scream, "Fuck you!"

3. The easiest? Why?
Behaving nicely to people who are jerks. Two wrongs don't make a right, and when I am mean, I don't like myself.

By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach. ~Winston Churchill

4. What beverage do you reach for to quench your thirst?

Coffee in the morning, and sometimes the evening. During the day I drink unsweetened iced tea, usually of the Zinger variety. Berry is yummy. When the weather is hot, I allow myself one daily beer as a treat. That sounds so goofy, but it's true.

5. What is one not-so-secret goal you have for your life? I’ll let you keep your secret ones to yourself.
I shall pass on sharing. Besides, if you know me well, you can easily guess.

6. What physical pain do you fear most? For example, I’m trying to decide how bad my jaw pain needs to get before I risk a potential needle from my dentist. So, for me, throbbing is preferable to jabbing.

I am not a fan of any sort of medical visit, especially one that includes needles. That said, if someone asked me to get a blood test, I would.

7. Where do you find solace?
In the shower, where my inner dialogues are rich, and the world makes sense, at least while the hot water is streaming.

8. What makes you the saddest when you read/see the news?
Individual acts of violence, and also views that run counter to mine, and are therefore moronic.
9. What do you eat for a favorite snack?
popcorn

10. What movie could you/would you watch more than two or three times and still enjoy just as much as the first time?
Where the Heart Is

11. What boy/girl first made you cry?
While there must have been someone, I can't recall.

12. What brand of coffee/tea do you drink most often?
Dunkin' Donuts, but brewed at home.

13. Dig in the dirt with or without garden gloves?
It depends on the task. Mrs. Magpie gave me the cutest pair of gardening gloves. When I wear them, they make me think of her.

14. James Taylor or Carly Simon?
Neither

Mead, but not Margaret

2010-11-04T12:43:00.000-04:00

If you can read, write, or think, when there is background noise, consider yourself lucky. Blocking out any sort of sound, is not one of my talents. Therefore, the blog post that I was writing in my mind while I showered, has been put on hold, as I have a young visitor who is watching Animal Planet, while her mom attends a meeting. So, instead of reading my views on friendship, I am sending you off to read about Mead.

My first, and only, taste of Mead came about last autumn, quite by accident. It was offered, and being that I like honey, and I like wine, I purchased a glass. While I don't envision myself getting into wine making, I would enjoy another glass of the honey wine. It was quite good. Oh, yeah!

All you need to know about Mead. Can be found in this article that I came upon by accident this morning.

Butt Wiping with the Wests

2010-10-29T11:20:00.001-04:00

In an attempt to limit bathroom visits by guests*, I have always bought Scott toilet paper. It feels a bit like sandpaper, so there is the added benefit of dead skin cell sloughing as you wipe. Single-ply is plumber endorsed, and of course, it is cheap. There is also a family history of use. My mom switched to Scott after some sort of plumbing disaster where the basement was playing host to floating poop. While I have vague memories of that disaster, fear overcomes me when I even so much as glance at double-ply on the grocery store shelf.

For many years, I saved the cardboard tubes. Wrapped in crepe paper, and filled with candy, they made adorable crackers for birthday party favors. If I were so inclined, I could start looking through scrapbooks, to show you my creations.

I did look through a few birthday scrapbooks, but gave up, and decided to vacuum the slats in the door where the heat pump is located, read a bit of a blog, and texted PG, until she decided that even though she will most likely be voting for losers, she would vote today.

When I die, I want to know that both of my children will not skip an election.
That doesn't seem like asking too much.

Oh, and I found two, yes two, dried up toads in the house today. The first, I spotted when a workman was here. The sweet man scooped it up while I was drinking my coffee, trying to stay out of his way. The second was next to the heat pump.

These dead amphibians make me sad. They must be quickly hopping inside when I am not noticing, as the doors are never left open. We barely open the doors, since we have limited our guests with our toilet tissue choice.

Now, back to the reason for this post:
Kimberly-Clark Rolls Out Tube-free Scott Toilet Paper

Yeah, I am excited!

*This goes back to me thinking that certain people won't properly wash their hands, thus spreading microbes of fecal matter throughout the house. Mrs. Magpie, rest assured that this does not apply to you. Come to think of it, it mainly applies to males. Study after study has shown, that men are not as neurotic as they should be.

Yes, I had the Scott t.p. photo on my computer. Vote, take pictures of everything, and always wash your hands, is my advice to all.

Insanity

2010-10-27T18:13:00.001-04:00

Wells Fargo wants to know what’s a-brewin’ in my uterus before they make me a loan.

Silly Spin Tuesday

2010-10-19T14:16:00.002-04:00

Where are the last of the Plaza artists?

Art In The Market - Newsletter

With my apologies for silliness in regard to a serious subject.

FOUND

Y'all are hanging in my house!

Charles Dickinson,

Suvo, and

Scott Raimonodo, or at least their art,

just hanging out.

Now, get yourself over to

Art In The Market

to read the serious side.

Sorry for the blurry cell phone photos.
As noted in the previous post, my camera is no longer mine.

Random Hands

2010-10-18T14:14:00.002-04:00

At the moment, I am camera-less, as my camera now resides in a dorm room. While I dreamt of buying a new one, I spent a bit of time looking through some hand photos. Eyes might be the window to the soul, but hands, and the way they move, have always been much more captivating to me.

Raisin stems when they meet your tongue, are on par with eggshell specks.

Yes, I inspect each shriveled delight before it is popped into my mouth.

This little boy, grabbing his dad's hand, caught my attention at the beach.

BG wearing a charm bracelet, and being, well, charming.

L is for Lisa.

Even cowgirls get the blues, or, in this case, a gift from Fiona.

If you are ever tempted to put paint in a plastic cup,

and then in the microwave, don't.

Cutting gingham.

Hair twirling in anticipation.

Resting on a wall.

Wordless Wednesday - Pesto

2010-08-11T14:12:00.000-04:00

Camera shy participants:

olive oil, walnuts, garlic, and Parmesan cheese.

Hanging Time

2010-07-22T14:09:00.000-04:00

The walls are happy.

In the hall near my office.

Facing each other,
they make me smile when I pass.
Above the stove...cooking with gas.
Yeah, it is electric.

Electric rhymes with what?

Exactly!

Beach-Breeze-Book

2010-07-18T14:07:00.000-04:00

About the Book
Tessa Russo is the mother of two young children and the wife of a renowned pediatric surgeon. Despite her mother’s warnings, Tessa has recently given up her career to focus on her family and the pursuit of domestic happiness. From the outside, she seems destined to live a charmed life.

Valerie Anderson is an attorney and single mother to six-year-old Charlie---a boy who has never known his father. After too many disappointments, she has given up on romance---and even, to some degree, friendships---believing that it is always safer not to expect too much.

Although both women live in the same Boston suburb, the two have relatively little in common aside from a fierce love for their children. But one night, a tragic accident causes their lives to converge in ways no one could have imagined.

In alternating, pitch-perfect points of view, Emily Giffin creates a moving, luminous story of good people caught in untenable circumstances. Each being tested in ways they never thought possible. Each questioning everything they once believed. And each ultimately discovering what truly matters most.
http://www.emilygiffin.com/books/heartofthematter.php

So far I am enjoying this book quite a bit. Beach reading made for a perfect day. Last night I was up late reading, and then read a bit this morning, finally forcing myself to get out of bed, because my bladder was about to explode. Yeah, it is that good.

Ocean or...

2010-07-06T13:59:00.000-04:00

Received this is an email from my favorite non-English speaking offspring.

This or That

Plaid or Polka Dots?
Peru or Paraguay?
Dunkin Donut or Krispy Kreme?
Pancake or Waffle?
New Mexico or Arizona?
Singapore or Thailand?
Alaska or Hawaii?
Elk or Moose?
Deer or Reindeer (NOT Rudolph)
Snake or Spider?
Frogs or Toads?
Mouse or Rat?
Turtle or Tortoise?
Lake or Creek?
Ocean or Intercourse?
River or Stream?

ENJOY THE GAME!

Froggie went a - courtin and he did ride...

2010-07-02T13:54:00.002-04:00

Nature girl, BG, captured fornicating froggies*, by hand, and by lens.

The noises were oddly arousing.

Friendly neighbors

You're coming with me!

Mom, if you don't stop yapping about the need for strapless bras,

I will throw them on your head!

Sir, would you like to hold these for a bit?

Oh, so that's what women want.

*Yes, I know that they are toads, but alliteration wins out once again.

Turned on toads, or amorous amphibians, just doesn't cut it.

Beauty in the Dirt

2010-07-01T13:49:00.000-04:00

The vacuum canister becomes a kaleidoscope of debris,

making cleaning dream like, not drudgery.

Out Stealing Boats

2010-06-30T13:47:00.000-04:00

BB left me alone on his boat.
Betcha he didn't think for one second that anything would be amiss when he returned.

Instead of taking the same picture that I did last week,
I was really ransacking
drinking
dancing naked
and I left surprises in hidden places.

I am really quite dangerous when left alone.

And yes, I read Out Stealing Horses.
And no, I didn't like it.

Books always come to mind when I blog.
The titles often have nothing to do with the post.

2010-06-21T13:44:00.001-04:00

How I Spent My ~~Summer Vacation~~ First Day of Summer

By Lisa

I sat, looking at rope, when the puffy clouds caught my attention.

Not wanting to be drawn in by nature, I stood up, and stared at whatever man-made materials I could find.

BB decided we should move.

He doesn't like to be called Boat Boy.

Sorry, but I draw the line at BM.

Besides, one should be thrilled with any nickname I bestow.

Like usual, I wasn't sure if we were coming, or going.

My guess would be going.

Yes, that is heading away...

Oh, look, it's the rebuilt bridge.

Two lanes, because traffic hasn't changed.

It is your imagination that the population has grown.

The lighthouse

The lighthouse
I like threes, but I only took two.

People
Water
The End.

2010-06-18T13:35:00.000-04:00

"Why don't you watch T.V.?" was the question BG asked of me tonight.

Hey, I watched a friend, via webcam, as he watched the news last night.
Indirect television viewing should count.
The way the light danced was cool.
It made me sleepy.

For others, who like me, are easily amused, there is this webcam.

2010-06-02T13:30:00.001-04:00

“Write in recollection and amazement for yourself”

Jack Kerouac

Cookies Not Hand Jobs

2010-05-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

Recently, I remarked to AB as he was driving, that homeless men must wish they had sex. This led to a discussion. Wow, big shocker, eh?

Being that I tend to be an immature twits, I added, "I always carry lube in my car." AB won't admit it, but yep, he believed me. He assured me that if I wanted to be very generous, he could hook me up with some of the locals.

While I am a first rate priss, (notice the gloves) others are not. So, while I hand out baked goods, nicer women, well...just read this:

You're a homeless man in Nagoya camped out in the park adjacent to Nagoya Castle or one of the several public areas where dozens of vagrants have erected makeshift abodes made of blue plastic tarpaulins.

Having been down on your luck for so long, sex, if on your mind at all, is probably little more than a distant memory. And since it's been days, sometimes even months since your last bath, the prospect of finding female companionship is likely to be all the more remote.

Certainly the last thing you'd ever expect would be to be awakened from a sound sleep by an attractive young female who has slipped into your shelter, opened the fly of your pants, and begun to provide relief in the form of hand jobs, or oral sex.

Yet, increasing numbers of homeless men in Nagoya's parks swear this has happened to them. Did these pleasurable experiences actually occur? Or was it merely something emanating out of the fog of alcohol-induced stupor?

Underground magazine Uramono Japan (October) swears the story is true. Apparently some women are so turned on by male pheromones, they won't accept anything less than a full concentration, unadulterated by soap and water. Or perhaps they're fetishists for dirt, grime and ordure.

Be as it may, those on the receiving end of her ministrations aren't complaining.

"Her hand technique is fantastic, but her fellatio is exceptional," one of Nagoya's lumpenproletariat insists. "She sneaked in and did it to me one night, I swear!"

Intrigued by this somewhat incredible story, one day last summer Ikkyu Muromachi --- nom de plume of a Kyoto-based freelance writer --- hit the Meishin Expressway and drove from Kyoto to Nagoya. In order to pass for a real homeless man and not just some cheapskate looking for a free blow job, Muromachi had prepared for his investigative report by refraining from bathing for the previous seven days, working up a rank body odor hopefully convincing enough for him to pass for the real thing.

Making the rounds in the parks, Muromachi asked fellow bums about the woman.

"She doesn't seem to be from Nagoya," says one wizened older chap, between sips of sake. "She began slipping into the parks at night about a year ago. Supposed to be about 32 or 33. Not bad looking either..."

"Did she do it to you?" an incredulous Muromachi asks.

"Hell no! Those kind of promiscuous broads ain't my type," the old codger mutters.

After a full week of uneventful nights in various parks throughout the city, the "miracle" that Muromachi had waited for finally occurred.

"Turning over in my sleep, I thought I heard approaching footsteps," he writes. "Then I saw the human figure of indeterminate gender the faint light. The footsteps sounded like a woman's. I got the feeling she was coming for me."

Muromachi felt a brief panic, wondering if the person might be armed with a cutting instrument intending to do him harm. But then he felt a gentle hand on his inner thigh.

"At first I couldn't believe it," he writes. "Could this be real?" But he smelled her floral perfume, and immediately stiffened.

Slim fingers crept up to his waistband, groped over the button, released it and tugged down his trousers. Muromachi lifted his waist to help slip them off, at which time his own rank body odor wafted toward his nose. Ugh.

Kneeling over him, the woman proceeded to run her tongue along the underside of his phallus for its entire length, and then took his full erection into her mouth, head nodding while making slurping noises onomatopoeically described as "chiro-chiro jupu-jupu."

"I can't hold back and longer, I'm coming!" he groaned, and but she kept it in her mouth and, while he spurted in ecstasy, sucked him dry.

Then with no further ado, she vanished into the darkness. From what little he saw of the woman, Muromachi says the she had sloping eyes with long lashes, somewhat resembling actress Yoshiko Sakaguchi. She wore black jeans.

"There were so many things I wanted to ask her," writes Muromachi. "But she never spoke."

Back home in Kyoto, Muromachi tells Uramono Japan every time he reminisces over his experience he feels a stirring in his loins. Apparently sleeping under vinyl sheeting in a public park was worth it.
source
---------------

My next batch of cookies will have added chocolate chips. After reading how selfless some women can be, my meager attempts at kindness pale in comparison.

Back of Box

2010-05-20T13:23:00.000-04:00

Rosa, who is so sweet, that just the thought of her touching herself, makes me want to flog myself or something, asked about the gum. Here's the back of the box. It was purchased years ago at A Pleasant Present. Ask for Michael, the owner of the store, and tell him I sent you.

Couscous

2010-05-14T13:20:00.001-04:00

'Cause my friends are always losing the recipe:

Minted Couscous Salad

1 10 oz box couscous

2 Cups boiling water

1 cucumber, peeled, seeded and chopped

1 19 oz can chick peas

8 oz feta cheese, crumbled

2 tomatoes, diced

3 green onions, sliced

1/2 Cup parsley, chopped

1/2 Cup black olives

1/4 Cup chopped fresh mint (or dried equivalent)

Dressing

1/3 Cup olive oil

3 Tablespoons lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Pour boiling water over couscous in a large bowl; cover and let stand 30 minutes until water is absorbed. Add remaining ingredients. In a small bowl mix ingredients for dressing. Pour over salad and refrigerate for a few hours. six servings

Another example of why I don't post on tablescape blogs.

Strangers Bearing Gifts

2010-05-14T13:17:00.001-04:00

How do you thank someone who offers three words, and unknowingly changes your life?

For the most part, when I ask for advice, it is a nicety. I want others to feel important. I am willing to consider what I am told, and then ignore the advice, because when I fail, I prefer blaming myself. So, yes, the question above is rhetorical. Still, feel free to give me ideas. My creativity has been waning.

I don't have a lot of faith in others. While I don't feel that the world is out to get me, I do feel that people are self-serving. Even if what they gain is a feeling of warm fuzzies from helping others, actions are almost always planned.

That is what made those words special. A virtual stranger helps me make sense of something rather troubling, without wanting anything in return.

A proper thank you is in the works. It might not be tomorrow, but you better believe that this act of great kindness will be returned. I am hoping I can do it without selfishness, if such an act exists.

“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion”

Jack Kerouac

Inane

2010-05-11T13:11:00.000-04:00

When conversations about imaginary scenarios leave you wanting to scream, you have to realize something else is bothering you. In my case, last night, a discussion about how to spend lottery winnings, left me a tad hot under the collar.

First, let it be noted, that I don't buy lottery tickets. I do, however, have plans for how I shall spend the millions when I win.

WPSD would get an indoor swimming pool. When my daughter was a student there, she dreamed of swimming more often than in the summer. The memory of trying to speed down the hall to biology class, wet hair dripping on my books, is so pleasurable, that the idea of kids missing out on the fun, is enough for me to become a swimming pool builder.

Swimming class is also character building. Where else can girls perfect the skill of convincing men that they have their period three times a month? While I was a tampon using champ early on, I never let onto that fact. Nope, it was better to announce that unless the class wanted to witness a water into wine miracle, it was better to let me sit it out.

While I never became much of a swimmer, the club where my family belonged should have been held responsible for some of my nasty habits, past and present. Sometime during my fourteenth summer, my friends, and I decided that smoking was glamorous, even if the poster on the locker room wall at school, featuring a prematurely aged woman (probably younger than our current age), showed us otherwise.

Nine years after smoking that first machine bought Winston, I never smoked another cigarette. I did hold onto the other swimming club habit.

Giggling at Boys

In fact, last summer, I was faced with an elderly neighbor who either fancied himself a stud, or deemed my thighs too bulky, and hoped to turn me into a bulimic. The latter would have happened, had I not turned my head whenever he exited the pool.

What you are about to read is gratuitous crap about underwear. I have to get ready for the dentist, and I am using imagery to attempt to calm myself. It is either that, or Valium. I know, some people use images of nature. I don't.

If you knew me back when I was writing about men on a daily basis, you might remember that I despise boxers. They look stupid. What is the point of underwear that is all bunchy under pants?

I really don't care if you are baking your balls in tight undies. If that doesn't hold appeal, cut down on the laundry, and I won't complain.

BUT when it comes to swimming

SPEEDOS hurt my eyes.

If you appear before me wearing a slip of spandex, I will giggle, and blush, and bury my head in a book. Now, that isn't quite as bad as what my friends, and I did back in 1977. We would hunt down boys, and giggle, and POINT. Then we would sneak away to choke on tobacco, and talk about our plans for life.
----------------
One more thing. I would like someone to make me a sign. While I am at the dentist receiving #53 Novocaine injection, please construct this sign:

If your boobs are larger than mine, and your lower genitalia doesn't match, a t-shirt will be provided.

Sunday Stealing

2010-05-09T13:03:00.000-04:00

Sunday Stealing: The Speed Dating Meme

1. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?
Hop on Pop

2. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be?

I can't picture any homes from TV. Did the Route 66 guys have a house? If so, I'd imagine I would like living with them.

3. What's the longest you've gone without sleep?
The last time that I missed a night of sleep, I failed a final. I was a freshman, and this RA finally asked me out on a date. Instead of telling him that I needed to study, I decided to go out with him. I studied after the date.

4. What's your favorite Barry Manilow song?
None

5. Who's your favorite Muppet?
Grover

6. What's the habit you're proudest of breaking?
Thumb sucking

7. What's your favorite website?
Public record sites are cool.

8. What's your favorite school supply?
I love paper.

9. Who's your favorite TV attorney?
I don't have a fave from TV.
James Spader in the movie Secretary was perfect.

10. What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?
Daytona last week.

11. What's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or junk shop?
Lily Pulitzer capris for $4.

12. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
I was talking to my friend, Brian, while I got ready for work.

13. What's your favorite tree?
So far I have not found a favorite tree here.
In PA there was tree in the woods that I loved.

14. What's the most interesting biography you've read?
Anthony Kiedis' book Scar Tissue

15. What do you order when you eat Chinese food?
I try not to order Chinese food. If I must, I like lo mein.

16. What's the best costume you've ever worn?
I stood in front of a human sexuality class while dressed in black leather, pushed a button on a tape player, and let them listen to my speech. I still despise talking to groups.

17. What's your least favorite word?
How timely. This exact subject was discussed today at lunch. Unlike a lot of women, you can call me a cunt, and I can let that pass, but don't ever, ever tell me to calm down.

18. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be?
Georgia could have been my name.
I am named for my grandfather George.

19. Who's your favorite bear?
I can't think of anything. The Grateful Dead bear, and hairy gay men, come to mind, but don't count.

20. Describe something that's happened to you for which you have no explanation.
There is always a reason.

21. If you could travel anywhere in Africa, where would it be?
Somewhere someone else suggested. I have no desire to go to Africa.

22. What did you have for lunch yesterday?
yogurt

23. Where do you go for advice?
I get plenty of unsolicited advice from friends.
I am fond of inner dialogues.

24. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus?
Unless I am writing fiction, I rarely need a thesaurus.

25. Have you ever been snorkeling? Scuba diving?
If you knew me, you'd be laughing at the thought.

Pretty Place

2010-05-08T13:01:00.000-04:00

The constant itch of yesterday's three mosquito bites, only serves to remind me of how pissed off I am that I didn't have my camera with me. When I next return to what can only be described as a hidden fairy land in the middle of the city, my camera shall accompany me.

Fruit from a Pretty Place

Food Play

2010-05-04T12:56:00.002-04:00

Capturing the pop of a grape tomato as it exploded in my mouth, proved to be too messy. Instead, I caught the little bulgur speckled fella before the pop.

34 perfect desserts remain. Thanks to Publix for the BOGO on my absolute favorite not so bad for you treat. Dark chocolate that melts in your mouth, mingling with the creaminess of banana, is almost dream worthy.

Typing, Tired, and Titillated

2010-04-27T17:09:00.009-04:00

My father is teaching a class at Carnegie Mellon. It goes without saying, that he is overjoyed. In his excitement, he seems to have mistaken me for his ex wife, my mother, the woman who can type a thousand words a minute.

I type with two fingers.

The reading list for his course took me three hours to type, give or take an hour...or two.

Sleep has not been finding me these nights. My days are once again spent in a daze. That causes a bunch of ideas to dance around my head. I compose a lot in the shower. Then I sit down at the computer, and can't recall what I was thinking.
A few ideas from the shower:
The artists in Saint Augustine who sell their work on the street, are a treasure. The city should be celebrating their creativity, not punishing them.
I want to help.
Expect more on that subject. Until then, come visit, and then buy something to hang in your house.

When my friend, Doris, visited, she took this photo.

She now has a pretty bird print hanging in her bathroom.

Cell phone camera technology leaves a lot to be desired.

Trust me, it is a really cool bird.

Speaking of birds, I have a bird who will not leave. He saw me topless by the window, and now returns every morning, screeching, "Damn it woman, stop frightening the neighbors. You are forty (thanks birdie), not twenty, and it is time to close the drapes."
And finally:

The Dockers ad that features a rumpled pair of khakis, is the ultimate in clothing porn. I don't even need to picture a man wearing those pants. The pants alone are enough for me.

Not this one.

The orange lettering is creepy.

Besides, there is nothing sexy about the way the pants just hang open.

YUCK

I am more a fan of blue jeans than khakis, making that ad even more amazing for its effect on me. Years back, before I became the darling of St Augustine, I photographed, and wrote about men. My very, very, very favorite attire for guys was blue jeans, and a white oxford cloth, button down collar...yummm.

Not that I miss being behind the camera, but those pants...Oh, my God. So, of course, I can't find the image to share. It arrived in my email, and I deleted it, thinking I am supposed to be blogging about serious subjects, and not the fact that I am being turned on my rumbled khakis. That was only one of the terms that I plugged into Google Images, and still couldn't find the exact picture.

Returning

2010-04-15T13:12:00.001-04:00

Being that I am in the throes of PMS, posting my feelings could lead to disaster. Let me just say that I think when I return to blogging, I will be writing the way I should have been since the inception of my blog.

I will still post recipes, but I will start writing in the style that I used to when I ran a website for six years. While I am sure I will lose a lot of you, that is not my intention. I enjoy all of my followers, and look forward to reading their blogs, even if I have been MIA as of late.

It's just that I want to go back to more of my telling it like it is way of writing. I am going to try my damnedest not to hurt anyone, but I am going to let my real personality out.

Anyone who knows me outside of blogging, knows that I never shut up, and it takes a certain type of friend to deal. I will promise to break up any text with photos. There was a reason I only had a brief stay in art school. It was rather evident that I should return to college, and give up the photography dream. BG is a great photographer, and I hope she finds time to keep snapping away. Maybe I can convince her to take more pics for my blog.

I adore discussing the subjects that get people fighting. I am not so big into discussing politics, because I have done my duty in swaying one fifty something friend into changing his political party, and voting like I do. Yes, I am always right. He would tell you that I only had a small influence, and while I know that is true, I like to pretend I did it all alone.

That leaves sex and religion, as well as a host of other topics.

Maybe my first blog post will be about masturbation. After all, writing about what you know is always prudent.

Enjoy the weekend.

Of Mice and Birthdays

2010-03-26T16:29:00.001-04:00

Claudie came to town for a

Mrs. Magpie hosted the celebration.

Becky, Claudie, Deborah, David, Jeanne, Julie, Mr. and Mrs. Magpie, Teresa, and I

had a super fantastic pink day of birthday fun.

Not only do I have the memories from the bloggy birthday bash, but many new pretty things to display around the house. I have decided to show you some of the sweet reminders that blog friends are real friends. I stole that line from Becky! It's true, though. So, here is a great big hug and thank you to all of the generous bloggers whom I know. Plus a GIANT hug to Mr. and Mrs. Magpie!

Mmmmm...Becky bakes the yummiest cookies.

Debbie is 44, but doesn't look a day over six months.

Doesn't she look pretty in her birthday bash flower?

Jeanne crafted this gorgeous plate that I can't wait to fill with goodies.

These eggs were even prettier on Mrs. Magpie's gorgeous tables.

Claudie said these used to be given away in tea. This little tea pot is perched on the microwave, and will bring back memories of the birthday bash.

Mrs. Magpie, who besides being the nicest woman in the world, has great taste, and sent home this adorable mousepad for BG. The big girl blogger's mice also will be sporting stylish homes.

These Disney cuties from Mrs. magpie, found a home in front of BG's Laura Ingalls Wilder books.

This pretty tag is from Becky. It will be forever housed on my curio.

I have saved more of the goodies from the party to share another day, i.e., it is time to end.

I want to get outside to read before it gets dark. The weather is wonderful, and I have four new books! Here's to a great weekend for everyone. Yeah for SPRING!

Easter Door

2010-03-19T16:33:00.000-04:00

The egg wreath was a $3.00 Goodwill find. SH thought it was hideous, but told me that if I liked it, that was all that counted. Since he comes into the house via the garage, I am going to see how long it takes him to realize that I found the wreath holder in the holiday box. Someone had hammered a nail into our old door, so I hadn't used this holder in 19 years. I figured that I had given it away, but for once I actually saved something that I wasn't using.

The low quality photo is from my cell phone.

The Ironing Pile Hits the Table

2010-03-19T11:34:00.000-04:00

Because we rarely eat at the table, magazines have often served as placemats. I am not exactly sure why that look has not caught on in tablescapes. The mood of the meal could be greatly influenced by the choice of reading material. Imagine the fun if you used Playboy under the plates.

During this past year, I did manage to buy two sets of placemats. If someone had told me that they would require ironing, I would have stayed with Better Homes and Gardens under my bowl of cereal.

In case anyone visits our home, they will have the illusion that we will gather 'round the table for an Easter dinner, or at least a spring brunch. I needed an excuse to set out the pretty tulip mugs that my sweet friend, Sheila, gave me. The bunny egg holder was found years ago at Goodwill. The eggs are from Cracker Barrel. Why I only bought one green egg remains a mystery.

Happy almost Easter!

Goldilocks and the Three Lamps

2010-03-05T19:21:00.000-05:00

Because Tracy asked, here is a peek at the house. The house is new, but working with our old furniture and possessions, hasn't exactly netted us a show place. Tracy has a really pretty home, and a great style of decorating. When it comes to decor, I am a floundering fool who loves blue. I don't have as much blue in this house, and I miss it.

If you are a Facebook friend, you know that our new living room furniture is now being placed in my mouth. I will be blogging about my teeth, but I will wait until at least phase one is completed. Let me just tell you, one has not lived until temporary veneers fall off three of their top teeth.

There is a reason the dentist wouldn't let me see after he drilled my teeth into teensy squares. Well, I showed him. I got a lovely peek when I bit into something and cracked off half the top. I am now terrified of eating until the porcelain versions are cemented in place. That would be a blessing, except pudding and ice cream have been my food picks.

A Lamp Story

In our previous house in the Arctic, there was a long window above the bed.
The tiny lamps didn't seem as small, but with the high headboard, and the large wall, we needed different lamps.

The Shaker style furniture, which I chose in 1992, is not being replaced, even though am sort of sick of it. I don't hate it, but I really would love a something more traditional. SH would like a younger wife, but he is not replacing me. I have no idea why I thought of that. Maybe because my bra is really tight, and my brain...oh, wait, that's men who think with their... Breasts aren't genitals, right? When speaking of sex organs we don't include anything above the waist.

We found these lamps at Pier One. SH tried to talk me into the leopard shades, but just going for a more modern lamp base was being brave.

Paiden Lamp

I loved these lamps, but they were too small.

Ignore the missing pillow shams. Most likely they were on the floor.

SH makes the bed, and he is not a fan of decorative pillows.

That is why we are down to two throw pillows, and they are always on the chair.

There appears to be an article of clothing on the bed. Just keepin' it real, as they say.

The shades on the dresser lamps need to be re-glued, or replaced.

Then I found what looked like the perfect lamp.

Pottery Barn Chelsea Lamps
Before we headed to PB, I suggested we run into Target.
SH grimaced (in his defense, I had dragged him through HomeGoods for over an hour), but off we went.
This was a good move, because we found lamps for a lot less money.
Of course we had to drive to a second Target, because the first store only had one shade.

Oh, and I totally embarrassed SH while we were at the second store. At the checkout I discovered a flaw in the shade. This meant that I had to go back and search through a stack until I found a flawless shade. The cashier, as well as SH thought I was being too picky, but I found a shade that was nice.

Target knock-off lamps

The shades are a textured beige linen, not white, like they appear in the photo.

I am 25 in the picture that is on SH's nightstand. He has never suggested updating that photo.

Last, but not least, I must thanks Mrs. Magpie for her suggestion of moving the smaller lamps to the dresser.

I am very happy with having a light to turn on when I enter the room, and I like the way they look.

Sweet!

2010-03-01T18:23:00.001-05:00

I'm back with goodies.

With SH's long hours at the office, we have never had family dinners.That makes the one meal that we do love to share, especially nice. SH loves to create Sunday morning breakfast, before he runs out the door to play golf.

All three of us (and PG when she lived at home) absolutely adore Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls. I like to be the one who spreads the yummy orange icing on the warm from the oven rolls, 'cause then I can add extra to mine, and lick the knife.

The wonderful people at Pillsbury and MyBlogSpark sent me a VIP coupon for Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls as well as a photo album to help keep my family’s sweet Sunday morning memories close at hand.

If you would like to win your very own VIP coupon for Pillsbury Orange Sweet Rolls and lovely photo album, leave a comment, telling me how you make Sunday breakfast special for your family, and add a separate comment telling me that you are a follower (for a second entry).
I will randomly choose a winner by comment number on March 5, 2010.

Even before I started blogging, I took many photos of us enjoying breakfast. Taking pictures while you eat is a great way to keep the family at the table longer. You know, just in case your husband is like mine, and tends to down his coffee and sweet roll with record speed, so he can be out the door, and on the golf course. No one likes to be chewing in photos, so if you make them pose while eating, they have no choice but to linger at the table.

Beautiful Photo Album

I didn't have any breakfast pictures handy, so I slipped in a photo of PG as an artist in 2007

Snow arrives via phone

2010-02-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

I woke up to this. Thankfully, it was an image on my cell phone, and not out of the window.
Knowing how much I despise snow, my friend, Doris, sent me a reminder of what I am missing.
While SH was making pancakes for BG this morning, he once again said he feels guilty for gloating, at least in his head, about how we don't live in PA.

At least all of the snow in the east is here for a weekend, instead of the middle of a week, where most people are scrambling to get to work. When we lived there, I often worked on weekends, and was happy that SH could provide rides. The last huge snow was in 1993, and I abandoned my car in a parking lot, slipped out of my heels, donned the tennies that I had stowed in the car for walking, and found a pay phone.

SH arrived with both kiddies, and a video that needed to be returned. He is conscientious, even in bad weather. Trying to get down a large hill, the car glided into another car. The driver was understanding. When you are driving on ice, you can't exactly control a vehicle. We sort of sat there in a daze as we exchanged info. We decided that we would pay the late fees on the video, and returned home.

That was a boring tale. I should have used my imagination a bit, and embellished. At least I didn't tell you the story of last December when I was working at the mall, and gingerly walking across an ice coated parking lot, trying to reach the door, so I could open the kiosk for an after Christmas sale. As I inched my way toward the door, a security guard spotted me, grabbed my hand, and pulled me across the ice. Since I was wearing gloves, my germ phobia didn't kick in, and I sort of enjoyed the pampering. I even bought a copy of Mall Cop to keep the memory of that guard alive in my mind. Plus, that event almost overshadowed the memory of the body odor of another mall guard who became a chum. I didn't have the heart to ask him to shower, but I am sure my body language spoke gallons.

With normal smelling folk I need an extra inch of personal space, so it took quite a lot of self restraint not to run. The man told great stories about stopping shoplifters, which held my interest when business was slow. He even pointed out a team of thieves, one of whom I followed closely until she gave up, only to return when I wasn't working. Yes, the kiosk got hit, but not on my watch.

Yeah, I really don't mind living in Florida in the winter. Nor do I miss working retail on the weekends.Y'all keep warm, and remember we have three sleeping bags and a guest room.

Oh, how SWEET!

2010-01-21T09:30:00.000-05:00

I have never thrown a tea in my life, unless you count the parties I had with dolls when I was four. We never entertain, unless you count serving Mrs. Magpie a glass of water, when she visited. If you look up loner in the dictionary, you might find a photo of SH, and me. The social butterfly in the family is PG. Her sister, BG, is a wannabe. Hey, she did have a three night sleepover guest last week, which filled my quota for guests for at least a month or so. Okay, it was fun, and they were barely here, preferring running through town, over staying home, but if I don't pretend it was big deal, it won't seem as special, and I am all for making a huge deal out of most things in life.

I was never a lover of parties, since they involve groups. I prefer interaction one on one. No wild threesomes in my past, just in case you were wondering.
When I was a child, my mom gave Valentine's Day parties, which I did enjoy. We would eat vanilla ice cream squares with pink hearts in the middle. I wonder if those are still made. They were like Klondikes without the coating. Then we would craft valentines with red construction paper, and doilies. I still equate doilies with fun, especially the gold ones. I bet in my box of cocktail napkins, I could find some doilies. Like I said, we don't entertain, but I like the idea of doing so. My napkin collection is proof. You never know when the need for pretty napkins will arise. I am prepared should that unlikely occasion arise.

I still love Valentines Day, even if all I do is make a dinner that includes dessert. Any holiday that gives me a legitimate reason to eat sweets, is a good one.

Household 6 (such a mysterious name for a blogger!) posted the directions for these adorable sugar hearts.
Somebody please make these for a gift, or to serve at a tea, or just because they are darling. I will save the idea, along with my pretty napkins, and doilies, for a high serotonin time, in case that ever occurs. Until then, I shall remain at home reading, and crafting, happy that my children are more normal.

No, not that kind of Dancer

2010-01-12T08:49:00.001-05:00

My daughter proving that the she can crotch grab with the best of them.

Not only did she spend the past year performing in three wonderful G-rated shows, my daughter danced with a group of talented young people, who became close friends. On their last day of work, they decided to put together a Lady Gaga parody video.

In response to my endless questions about how the video came to be, I received one line.

"We just danced."

Another blurry screen capture.

Now, please, please, please go watch the video.

Because,

while

these sweet kids audition, rehearse, and

dream of stardom

receiving

hits

on their video

makes them happy.

Where I Spray

2009-12-31T12:09:00.003-05:00

Cool, eh?

Word on the street is that tonight it will become a parking lot for the annual neighborhood New Year's Eve bash. Until then, it is my personal spray painting area.

If you can't guess the color, you haven't been reading blogs.

I only copy from the best.

When I saw Tracy's curio, I knew that I needed one.

I love everything about her house.

I found a small curio at Goodwill and a larger version at a garage sale.

SH gasped in horror when I showed him the curios.

His mother had one hanging in her living room, and he thought the thing was hideous.

I always found it to be adorable.

It might have been the only thing that my MIL and I agreed upon.

Well, that, and the fact that her son was wonderful (until he married me, that is.)

The larger curio is being sanded in the garage.

SH warned me this morning not to spray paint in the garage.

I once covered his car in spray paint "dust" when he left it in the driveway.

I was painting on the porch above.

Let's just say, that paint can travel.

I spray paint on land that does not belong to me.
I talk ill of the dead.

AND

I am a copycat.

Happy New Year!

Incredible Dip

2009-12-29T08:29:00.002-05:00

Another recipe that resembles regurgitated food, but tastes yummy, is my entry for Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday.

For the life of me, I can not remember where I found this recipe. I googled, and googled, but had absolutely no luck. in finding the origin.

This dip was indeed fabulous. We dropped some off at a Christmas party, because stupidly we had chosen that day to paint the kitchen.When we returned, every drop of the dip had been eaten!!! A party guest raved to me about the yummy dip, and she seemed sincere. We only could spend forty five minutes at the party, because we had to pick up BG at a babysitting gig. That was the extent of our Christmas socializing. Amazingly enough, I wanted more, and not just because I was eyeing the cookies..

Here is the original recipe. If you are the person who first posted it, please let me know, so I can give you credit. I didn't follow the recipe proportion wise, but instead, dumped large amounts of all of the ingredients into a bowl. That cooking style has served me well, and if I can get away with less measuring cups to wash, I am all for it.

Our dishwasher in the photo

"How many tea towels, and dishrags can you dirty each day?"

Incredible Dip

12 oz finely shredded Monterey Jack cheese
1 tomato, chopped
12 stuffed green olives, chopped
5 green onions, chopped (white part only)
4 oz can green chili peppers, chopped
4 oz can black olives, chopped
1/2 cup Italian dressing (I used fat free, as it cancels out the fat from the cheese, much in the same way that Diet Coke erases calories from chocolate cake)
Mix everything together and add the dressing right
before serving.

BG's real name is Blanche

2009-12-10T09:20:00.001-05:00

Do you have recurrent thoughts of literary characters? While sitting here, thinking about how I would present the story of my two recent visitors, my mind began to wander. Because my desk faces a window, I am quite enjoying spying on the neighbors. Today, the husband drove off to work presumably, while the wife waited at the end of their driveway for a ride. That reminded me of countless stories of people who pretend to go off to work, or school, while doing something else.

Is that a common occurrence, or just something that often takes place in books?

My collection, which is being housed in a box, while I find a spot in the new house, is of PEZ dispensers, not glass animals.

My name does start with L.

Now, we are switching gears completely, or at least writers. This is why this post might only make sense to me. Hopefully, Mrs. Magpie will forgive my weird post, knowing it was done with love, and a lack of sleep.

Here we go...

It occurred to me that when we lived in PA, and were the recipients of many cast-offs from friends, and relatives, that I woudl often refer to myself as the Blanche DuBois of the north. You know, depending on the kindness of strangers and all that entails.

Stick with me. The cute photos are coming.

Isn't it fitting that Mrs. Magpie came to visit, bringing with her a wonderful new friend, who happened to be name STELLA. See, it all makes sense.

Ibsen and Williams are the names of my cats. Well, they would be if I weren't terrified of animals.

Back to the visit, which was wonderful. If my mind would stop going every which way, it would be easier to blog.

Mrs. Magpie, who really is as sweet, and wonderful as you imagine if you read her blog, is one of the reasons we moved to Florida. When we met her, SH remarked that she was the nicest woman in the entire world. This, from a man who is a few steps away from being labeled a misanthrope. Okay, maybe not that bad, but if SH really, really likes someone, it means something huge.

Knowing that I am having great difficulty choosing paint, Mrs. Magpie, and her new pal, Stella, arrived at the new house with a can, and a plan.

Stella, being a take charge gal, told us to chat,

while she got down to business.

Stella did take a moment to pose with her brush and paint.

After that, she was a busy bee.

Amazing results with such a tiny brush.

Stella has superb taste. The color is Chestnut by Benjamin Moore.

The color looks close to real life in the top photo.

Pretty!

Perhaps all of the paint fumes left Stella a bit confused.

We found her mistaking the coffee maker for a shower.

Painting can be hard work.

When Stella spied the backyard, she decided to rest outdoors.

She turned her chair to face us.

I believe she thought she might miss some gossip.

Our conversation proved boring to Stella,

but the sun's rays felt good.

Hurry back Stella. Your painting skills are unsurpassed.

And look, lots and lots of white walls for you to transform.

Bring your flat friend, Decorator Dan, as we need help!!!

Thank you to Sheila for putting up with my nonsense, gifting me with paint, and a delightful painter.

Hugs to Lindsay and Jessica.

We promise that with Stella's help, the house will be painted in time for your visit.

Yeah for Color!

2009-12-09T08:33:00.001-05:00

SH's goal is to have every room in our new house painted by Christmas. Considering the fact that he has an asthmatic wife, and a daughter who isn't exactly handy with a brush, he welcomed the help when a very special guest worked her magic with a roller. Be sure to check back tomorrow to see her in action.

Painting Progress:

Our bedroom is now Desert Caravan by Behr

Ignore the too small lamps, and the lumpy bed covering.

Doesn't the black headboard look pretty?

BG calls this the Halloween bedroom.
The paint is not orange.
It just appears that way in a certain light.

The laundry room is Daffodil, a Sherwin Williams color.

We had it color matched by Behr.

BG drew the framed picture. It is my favorite.
She wrote, "Oh lady she has rainbow hair."

I can't recall how old she was when she drew it,
but it hung in the kitchen of our old house for as long as I can remember.

BG's room is Potentially Purple.

This was another SW paint, color matched by Behr.

It is quite a bit brighter than it appears in this photo.

On Saturday, the kitchen will be painted Golden Bronze, a Glidden color,

and yep, we had it color matched by Behr.

If anyone is feeling generous, the chandelier that we want is

the Montserrat Chandelier in cream.
Oh, and SH's car, well, it is sounding mighty sick, and it has developed a rust rash near the front windows.
I thought I should add that, just in case the chandelier is less than you wanted to spend this Christmas.

We still haven't chosen living room paint.

The hall, BG's bathroom, and the office/box room/blow up mattress guest retreat/exercise room
also remain bare.

New House

2009-11-24T21:44:00.001-05:00

SH attached knobs in the kitchen, and also in the bathrooms. We used the same knobs in our bathroom, and the kitchen, while BG's vanity can now be opened with stainless rope edged knobs.

The cabinets, which are very close to what we used in our previous kitchen, are not as anemic looking as the last picture suggests. That was taken with my cell phone, in an attempt to show my mother what we were doing last weekend.

I treated myself to a new napkin holder. It was on sale at Target, which made it it easier to justify purchasing. We own two perfectly good napkin holders, so buying a new one seemed silly. Yeah, I am sort of weird about these things.

These were the cabinets in our old house.

I loved the spice drawers. For this house, we didn't have the option of using, them or I would have.
Those drawers were the perfect place for batteries, scissors, and various bits of food packaging, that BG would snip off, and let land in the drawers. Yes, darling daughter, I did notice those pieces. Did you think they magically landed in the waste can? Mummy, if you are reading this, please refrain from commenting about the fact that my bedroom, as an adolescent, was the depository for used cereal bowls, and glasses.

I knew I would one day want a picture of the drawer contents.

Until now I considered myself extremely decisive

2009-11-11T15:32:00.001-05:00

This morning was our walk through, or in my case, cough through. In between checking doors, and examining the walls, I was admonishing everyone to load up on the Purell. I don't think I am still contagious, and am hoping this hacking is more due to my asthma than anything, but I wouldn't want to be hanging out with me.

The interior paint colors have not all been chosen. After holding up the blue that I thought I would like in BG's bathroom, I changed my mind. It is a good thing we built a small house. If I can't choose paint colors for a three bedroom, two bath house, imagine the problems I would encounter with more spaces.

Possibilities

It is frightening when you start memorizing the names of paint colors.

This has been my reading material for countless hours.

I think this will be the master bedroom color.

Depending on my mood, I either love it, or think it looks like baby poo.

This is the kitchen curtain material that we like from Country Curtains.

I have been very pleased with past purchases from that company.

Besides, if I look at too many fabrics, I will get mixed up even more than I am with the paint.

The counter is on the right, and the paint color is on the left.

SH chose the paint color-Golden Bronze by Glidden.

BG's room will be Sherwin Williams Potentially Purple.

The laundry will be Daffodil, also by SW.

The master bath will be Spiced Gingerbread by Glidden. This is possibly because I like the name.

We once had a bathroom painted Happy Camper. I believe I chose that paint by the sound of the name.

SH wants the hall and living room to be painted with various colors, just like in the model.

Good luck on that one.

Two of the walls in the model.

Across the room is a third color.

Who wants to bet that the living room remains SW Swiss Coffee, which is what the builder used.

SH is rather optimistic in his thinking that BG and I will be painting the entire house in a week.

My hope is for the laundry, and BG's room to be completed by the time the moving truck arrives.

I can't wait to paint!

Okay, would you believe, I can't wait to move?

That's more like it.

I'm still here...

2009-10-27T23:11:00.000-04:00

and reading YOUR blog.

B Day

2009-10-15T10:27:00.003-04:00

B is for Birthday

We celebrated SH's birthday with this cake.

My cakes never look picture perfect.

It tasted yummy!

This cake would have been baked in round pans,

if only I knew in which box those pans were hiding.

Parchment paper, and a 9x13" pan saved the day.

I was picturing trifle as an alternative

for when my cutting skills failed.

The trifle bowl is also MIA

I amazingly cut the cake without incident.

B is for BOX

I have been busy painting and decoupaging B's

Bunny Girl's new room will feature a wall full.

B is for Bunny Girl

While SH and I were excitedly checking out progress on the new house,

BG was outside taking pictures of herself.

B is for Bathroom

Join me very soon for P is for Paint.

Ears

2009-10-06T09:40:00.001-04:00

BG refers to tortellini as ears. If there are signs for specific pasta shapes, I am not aware. Finger spelling tortellini takes too long, so, to us, they will forever be known as ears.
PG's contribution to the names that stuck, would be happy shoes instead of Mary Janes. When she a child, she wore Mary Janes to "happy" birthday parties.

What silly words do you use?

Texas Tortellini Salad

Click for a readable recipe, complete with my lovely Photoshop editing job.

Be sure to check out Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday, where others share their yummy recipes.

Getting Closer

2009-10-05T11:56:00.000-04:00

We have been living in Land O' Boxes for over four months.

We can't wait to live here.

Name Dropping -- Sort of, Kind of

2009-09-17T17:47:00.000-04:00

Last week PG called to tell me that her friend, Courtney, was a contestant on America's Next Top Model. Courtney is gorgeous. She is so amazingly beautiful, that when I first spotted her picture on Facebook, a few years ago, I immediately called PG to ask her who this friend was. Most of PG's pals are pretty, but this girl looked special.

Apparently I missed both episodes with Courtney, as she was sent home last night. I was hoping she would win. Then I could tell everyone that I know her....sort of, kind of. Well, I do know where she held her 22nd birthday party last year. Oh, I am privy to just so much thrilling news. Soon I will be sending in tidbits of gossip to the tabloids.

Courtney's birthday party last October

some nameless pretty girl, Courtney, and PG

September 17, 2009

Double elimination on America's Next Top Model

John-John Williams IV reports on this week's ANTM:
Poor Courtney! She came to America's Next Top Model with a broken foot. After last night's episode she left with shattered dreams. That's right. The lively cheerleader from Plantation, Fla., was sent packing after essentially giving up during a nude photo shoot.
The episode started with a surprise visit to Wilhelmina Models. The contestants each to complete an interview with the president of Wilhelmina Models, Sean Patterson. What they didn't know was that there would be an immediate elimination based on the interview. (I'll get to that in a little bit.)
During the interview, we learned that Jennifer has a lazy eye. (Ouch!)
Rachel was kicked out of the competition because Sean Patterson said she "didn't have what it takes to be a Wilhelmina Model."
Rachel was in disbelief. She started to cry.
"I expecting for someone to pop out and say 'Just kidding'," Rachel said in her confessional. "And they never came. I have to go home."

The next day the girls met up with Tyra for an extremely corny exercise in "smiling with your eyes." Tyra took on this superhero persona "Super Smize." It was way over-the-top. The hopeful contestants played along with the it, which made it that much more annoying.
Anywho, the girls split into two teams and challenged each other's ability to smile with their eyes. The winning team got a sit down dinner with Sean Patterson. The losers had to clean dishes.
The winning team of Courtney, Lulu, Bianca, Brittany, Laura and Kara also got to wear lovely dresses hand-picked by Sean Patterson.
After dinner, the contestants went home, where drama unfolded between Bianca and Jennifer who argued about dishes in the dishwasher. (Seriously?)
The next day the girls went to horseracing track, where they found that they had to pose topless with a jockey and a horse.
Jay Manuel said that: Jennifer struggled; Brittany gave him Italian Vogue; Erin did a good job; Courtney looked like Barbarella in a wrestling ring; Bianca looked like a "she-man"; and Bianca did great.
After the photo shoot, Courtney complained about her experience on the shoot. Brittany jumped in and disagreed with her, which ticked off Courtney.
During the judging panel, the girls were surprised to see that Lauren Conrad of The Hills was the week's guest judge.
Erin, who had a stunning photo, according to the judges, won the competition.
It came to no surprise that Bianca and Courtney were in the bottom two. Bianca had an attitude because she didn't like the blonde wig she was forced to wear. Courtney had an attitude because she was told she needed to wear her protective boot. Tyra said that Courtney sabotaged herself and sent her home.
-The Baltimore Sun

My Little Chick-a-pea

2009-09-15T08:46:00.010-04:00

Curried Couscous

3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 Granny Smith apples, cored and chopped
1 7.6 oz box couscous
1 1/2 cup water or broth
1 16oz can of chickpeas

nuts, if desired
raisins or dried apricots, if desired (add with water, or with chickpeas)

In a large saucepan over medium-high heat melt the butter, and the curry powder
Add the apple and cook for about 3 minutes, to soften the apple.
Add the water, and bring to a boil,
Stir in the couscous, cover and remove from heat.
Let sit for for 10 minutes
Fluff up the couscous with a fork.
Stir in chickpeas.

Add some nuts and raisins, if you like, and eat,
or chill, and add the nuts when you serve,
unless mushy nuts don't bother you.

You can even toast the nuts, if you are not a lazy cook, like a certain blogger with the initials LW.

Do not use two tablespoons of curry powder, unless you like your food very spicy. If you do, you will have to make another batch of plain couscous to add.

Yeppers, that is what I did. With the added plain couscous, this dish was a hit. BG loved it. SH liked it, but getting a reaction from him that resembles excitement, is limited to Fulham scoring a goal, or he, himself, having an incredible game of golf.

Chickpeas and spray starch.

A reminder that I need to iron SH's shirts.

Chickpeas and the bandanna BG wore at the barn on Sunday

A reminder that BG prefers grooming horses over putting away her possessions.

Okay, so it is gross that my child left her sweaty scarf on the counter.

Next to my messy recipe box is DampRid, and a box of roach traps (and a view of boxes!).

There, I will never have anyone want to eat with us in the Land O' Boxes!

For recipes from cooks who don't serve up meals with the added barn-like ambiance, visit Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday.

When Books and Music were my Life

2009-09-14T10:51:00.004-04:00

Jim Carroll, the poet and punk rocker in the outlaw tradition of Rimbaud and Burroughs who chronicled his wild youth in “The Basketball Diaries,” died on Friday at his home in Manhattan. He was 60.
NY Times 9.14.09

Reading that makes me feel sad, and brings back memories of reading his book, and listening to his music.
I miss the days when my friends, and I would sit around discussing books, our futures, and basking in the excitement of being young.

On one of our first dates, SH came over to my apartment, armed with a bottle of wine, and a sheaf of papers, containing his poetry. Neither of us has written a poem in at least twenty years.

Our daughter, PG, is now older than I was, when I met SH.
If Allen Ginsberg were alive, he would be 83.
I had a mad crush on Kurt Vonnegut when I was in college.

I am going to mull over those thoughts while I do the laundry.

“Write in recollection and amazement for yourself”

Jack Kerouac

YUMMMMus

2009-09-08T09:24:00.000-04:00

It tastes better than it looks.

Black Bean Hummus

2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained
3 Tablespoons tahini
4 Tablespoons lemon juice
2 Tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon cumin

Blend in food processor.

Why I will never be posting to tablescape blogs.

Whole wheat English muffin with hummus, grape tomatoes, and red peppers.

I collect Lisa and Gary coffee mugs (feel free to buy me a pair on your next vacation!)

This mug was a gift from PG when she was in high school.

Doesn't it lend an elegant look to the paper plate?

I call it the kitsch meets laziness look.

Be sure to visit Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday, for recipes from cooks who actually set a table.

FYI

2009-08-31T15:35:00.002-04:00

I am taking a break from blogging.

While I will still try to visit everyone, I might not leave one of my rambling, often disjointed missives. Smile at yourself, think some sarcastic, but well meaning thoughts, and consider yourself hugged. Okay, skip the hug part. Being that I am not much of a hugger, it is strange that sign my emails with hugs. I have never pondered that one...

I shall return.

Now I am thinking Chik-fil-A

2009-08-25T08:11:00.006-04:00

Be sure to check out Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday, where others share their yummy recipes, with much less commentary.

SH and I were discussing what I write about on my blog. Most of the time, no, make that all of the time, I am extremely opinionated, and not exactly shy about expressing myself. SH pointed out that I never write about what I discuss outside of Blogland.

My husband and I almost always agree on the biggies, which means there isn't much debate, something that I have been accused of seeking. Music, and the death penalty are the exceptions. If I can convince him to like country music, he might turn my views around on the death penalty...nah!

How does a recipe for carrot salad enter the equation? Chik-fil-A, of course, would be the answer. Both SH, and I have real problems with people who applaud them for not staying open on Sunday. We don't take issue with the restaurant closing on Sundays, just the people who rant about how wonderful this is, and then patronize other open on Sunday businesses.

If Sunday is to be your day of rest, then worship, visit with friends, and family, but don't go shopping, or eat out. It is pretty darn hypocritical to tell me how wonderful it is that Chik-Fil-A has taken a stand, and then to see you chowing down at Cracker Barrel.

Yeah, I bet you are wishing I would go back to keeping my opinions to myself, and just posting recipes. Here you go. This carrot salad is super yummy served any day of the week.

Carrot Salad

1/4 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1 bag (10 0z) shredded carrots
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1 small onion, chopped
1/2 cup slivered almonds, toasted

Combine first four ingredients in a bowl.
Add remaining ingredients, and mix well.
Cover and chill two hours or overnight.

I have made this substituting yellow mustard, green onions, and cashews, with equally good results. I use two bags of baby carrots, shredded in a food processor, and then eyeball the dressing ingredients.

Thank you, Mick

2009-08-23T08:24:00.010-04:00

But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need

Friday night, as SH was attempting to leave his office, he called to tell me that his car wouldn't start. One would think after 23 years of marriage, that I would know my idea of calling for roadside assistance, or parking lot assistance in this case, would be met with, "No, I think I will try to figure it out."

The battery terminal on his year old car battery was corroded. He wiped it off, and the car started. Ummm, okay.

Saturday morning during his new favorite pastime of attending garage sales, he picked up a small packet and announced, "Oh, I need to buy this."

The nice man who was trying to sell enough of his possessions to be able to park a second car in his garage, refused the dime, but offered some great conversation, which is definitely as much fun as finding treasures.

My suggestion that we could find even more nifty treasures if we expanded our garage sale territory out of only our zip code, was met with, "I want to go home and eat breakfast."

AW!

Be sure and check out what everyone found this week at Today's Thrifty Treasures. Just a hunch, but I bet there is sure to be something a bit more exciting than SH's battery terminal find.

Party!

2009-08-19T08:53:00.013-04:00

While Mrs. Magpie, her lovely friend N, and I were still enjoying our lunches, BG grabbed the camera, headed outdoors, and found some colorful blooms to share.

Right back at ya, Mrs. Magpie!

We celebrated our July birthdays with

Mrs. Magpie allowed me the honor of blowing out the candles.
BG got quite the giggle out of watching her asthmatic mom's difficulty in completing the task.
In comparison, devouring the cake, and ice cream was a breeze.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Here's a sneak peak at the gorgeous table.

Thank you Mrs. Magpie for a yummy birthday
and
Thank you BG for sharing the fun, taking the photos,
and being my best buddy all summer long.
I am going to miss you while you are at school.

I love you soooo much.

And last, but not least, Thank You, Susan
for hosting

Outdoor Wednesday

Down the Road

2009-08-17T19:37:00.002-04:00

BG and I took a walk this afternoon. Whipping out my cell phone netted me these blurry pictures. We can just deem them artsy, instead of poor quality, 'cause I did try to capture where we live.

Skulls and Cigarettes?

2009-08-13T19:58:00.003-04:00

While I have been in this store at least a dozen times this summer, today was the first time I noticed this product placement. Alligators don't smoke. It was also rather doubtful that these creatures were the victims of second hand smoke. Still, associating cigarettes with death seems to send a don't buy this message. Maybe gators being manly and wild, is the idea behind the display. Wrestle a gator, smoke a cigarette, and buy a granola bar? The merchandising concepts escape me.

We have a Giveaway Winner!

2009-08-12T08:15:00.004-04:00

Jennifer from A sample of Jennifer's Thoughts, is the winner of the digitally printed poster print from Online Poster Printing.

A Recipe for Tuesday

2009-08-10T14:12:00.005-04:00

SH's office mates often bring in food, so he asked me to bake. Last week I sent in brownies. Yesterday I decided to try making cookie bars using an orange cake mix. I deemed them yummy, so this morning I layered them with wax paper, and packed them with an ice pack, so they would arrive intact. SH had a few stops to make before the commute into the city, and the car's interior tends to get a tad hot. I would eat melted, mushy baked goods, but I do draw the line in serving them to others.

Cake Mix Bars

1 Box Cake mix (I used orange)
1 Egg
1/2 cup Oil (I used extra light olive oil)
1/4 cup Water
6 oz Chocolate chips (I used butterscotch)

Directions

Mix cake mix, egg, oil and water in a bowl until almost all the lumps are gone.

Add the chocolate chips.

Bake in a greased 9 X 13 pan at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes.

Cool and cut into squares.

Before sending to your husband's office, taste to be sure they pass the test of baking with a cake mix. Whatever that means.

Be sure to check out Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday, where others share their yummy recipes.

Amelia Island Cousin Fun

2009-08-05T11:26:00.007-04:00

Click to see in better detail: BG writing notes with her cousin, SH and his bro, playing with the kids, and colorful beachy items that I liked.

This was sooooo much fun. After years of being ignored by other cousins, who couldn't be bothered to learn signs, or pick up pen and pad, BG got to spend time with her Atlanta cousins. Now, I must note, the Mount Pleasant, South Carolina cousins, do know some sign language, and are adept at writing, and texting. It will, however, take me a lifetime to get over the hurt of my daughter being made to feel she was invisible at family functions in Pittsburgh. While, I did not attend many for the past seven years, I did receive texts last Christmas Eve from a rather distraught BG, explaining that not a single child, or teen would write a note to her.

Back to Amelia Island...

The day was perfect, with heat, sun, and nice waves. I love summer. If you read my blog last winter, you understand my delight in finally, after 45 years, moving to a more suitable climate than the one cold, dreary Pittsburgh offers a cold weather hater. While I realize there is more to a city ( we had moved to the suburbs in 1988) than weather, my hatred of cold overshadowed everything.

My sister in law has been vacationing on Amelia Island for 37 of her 47 years, making her quite the expert on having a great time. She was a great hostess, offering wonderful conversation. While our husbands golfed, we sat at the pool, getting to know each other better. Although I was at her 1988 wedding in Atlanta, we have not seen each other save for a handful of family get togethers. I do hope that changes.

BG and her two cousins swam, and ran down to the beach to build sandcastles. It was reported that BG built a cool turtle. Words can not express my happiness upon hearing about the fun. Unless you are the mother of child who has spent most of her life being ignored by other children, you can not know the depth of gratitude that I have for this boy and girl.

Food - Yes, the food was tasty, too

Lunch:

The kids had already eaten, and my SIL had a reflexology appointment, so only four of us dined. I am the world's worst descriptive writer when it comes to food, so I am relying on a bit of cut 'n paste from the menu.

I devoured a Tofu Wrap
Grilled tofu, leaf lettuce (none in mine, as lettuce is for salads or lettuce wraps, and has no place in a sandwich or wrap), tomato, onion, asparagus, roasted red peppers, sesame seeds and ginger-soy dressing in a garlic-herd tortilla wrap. The fruit slad was definitely refreshing.

BG was very happy with the Seasonal Fruit and Berries
Fresh fruit, honey grenadine sauce, banana nut bread and cottage cheese.

SH, and his brother hungrily attacked their Blackened Grouper Wrap
Iron skillet seared grouper fillet, iceberg lettuce, tomato and roasted corn and red pepper salsa in a sun-dried tomato tortilla wrap.

SH has finally decided he likes melon. This, after 25 summers of him pushing melon off of his plate, telling me it was yucky. I am just waiting for him to start liking beets, sweet potatoes, zucchini, and grape tomatoes. I am not sure from where the aversion to grape tomatoes stems, since he loves other tomato varieties. Perhaps it is the way they tend to explode in one's mouth. I can think of some other mouth explosions...ooops, we won't go there, since this is a family blog.

Dinner:

The food was yummy. See, this is about my skill level when describing food. I have three adjectives that I use in blogging when recipes or food are involved. Yummy, tasty, and delicious, are my three. If I ever comment on a recipe that you post, I will almost always write, "That looks yummy!" Take it as the compliment that it meant, and be assured that I am not being lazy when I don't expound on the merits of your concoction. If it doesn't look yummy, I won't comment.

Oh, and I am well aware of thesarus.com.

appetizing, delectable, delightful, divine, fit for a king, good, heavenly, juicy, luscious, mouthwatering, nectarous, out of this world, palatable, piquant, pleasant, rich, savory, sweet, tasty, tempting, toothsome

NEVER yum-o! That is as irritating to me as people who refer to a sandwich as a sammie. If you really want to flip me out, just tell me that you are going on vacay. Do share the words that make you want to scream. I would be quite happy to learn of your quirkiness when it comes to words.
A definite entry into Lisa's Yummy Hall of Fame is Belle's Tomato Pie recipe.

While we didn't dine on any tomato pie, our dinners at Joe's 2nd Street Bistro, were yummy.
My SIL and I enjoyed Grouper Filet Grilled in Corn Husk Wrapper with Roasted Jalapeno Lime Cilantro Butter. Served with Black Beans, Rice and Salsa Fresca
SH was pleased with the Roast Chicken Penne
With Marinara Sauce, Escarole, Asiago and Romano Cheese SH's brother had lamb, and the kids ate pasta, and salad.

It must have all been yummy, as I did not hear any complaints. I did hear rave reviews for the ice cream cones that the three young ones ran off to purchase for dessert.

Fantastic Fudge

According to BG, the best cookie dough ice cream
can be found here.
The cousins swear by the butter pecan.

More of the great outdoors can be found at Outdoor Wednesday, where Susan, another wonderfully sweet, Georgia gal, plays hostess at a fun weekly blog gathering.

Blue and White, and Yellow, Too!

2009-08-03T13:35:00.006-04:00

My entries for Blue Monday, and Today's Thrifty Treasures, are one in the same. I hope Sally, and Rhoda do not mind. I found lots of blue while thrifting, and that made me anything but.

My very favorite thing in the world is finding a free treasure at the curb. While I haven't done any curbside shopping since we have moved to Saint Augustine, I have been to Goodwill. Finally, I have SH convinced that it is fun to shop at thrift stores. I don't know if I will ever convince him that garage sales are a blast, but I will give it a try.

These placemats, which I have washed, but not ironed as of yet, were 75 cents a piece. They are from Pier One, and were originally $3 a piece. Now, if we could only move the boxes away from the table, we could have a family meal.

This Liz Claiborne skort in blue and white, matches my very white legs, and will be perfect when I buy a pair of white sandals, i.e., it might be sitting in my closet for a while. Still, it was too cute to pass up.

This skort by Briggs, will be equally cute with those need-to-buy white shoes, and perhaps a red top. I found both of the skorts at my favorite thrift store in PA, when we were recently visiting. I managed to sneak in two thrift stores visits, and an Indian lunch. Life doesn't get any better than that!

Giveaway - 18x24" Digitally Printed Poster

2009-07-30T08:17:00.008-04:00

If you love to take photos, and who of us doesn't, you will be thrilled with the great products at Online Poster Printing. They offer:

Photo Quality prints up to 60" x 100" from your digital photos
FREE Next Day service on all rolled products
Custom Size prints to fit any occasion

This is a picture that I took of my daughter, the dancer, back when she was only dreaming of performing at Disney World. We had just moved into our house when PG donned leotard, tights, and her Minnie Mouse slippers. Nine months later, she replaced those slippers with real ballet slippers, and started dance classes. Sixteen years later, she landed the Disney gig.

Because embarrassing my offspring is what I do best, I would be thrilled to present PG with a custom poster printing of this cute photo. I know that she would get a kick out of looking at herself as a two year old.

If you would like a chance to win a custom poster printing, so that you too can delight yourself or a family member, enter this giveaway!

HOW TO ENTER:

Online Poster Printing wants to give one lucky reader an 18X24 Poster Print.

To enter: Describe a photo that you would like to have printed.

For an additional entries:

Post to your blog about this contest and link back to here as well as Online Poster Printing.

Follow me, and let me know that in your comment, and receive another entry.

Poster Prints will be awarded by a coupon code on Friday August 7, 2009.

Open to US and Canadian Residents only.

Mmmm....

2009-07-27T13:52:00.007-04:00

When we moved a few months back, I poured gallons of alcohol down the sink, as if it were the middle of Prohibition, and the feds were knocking at the door. Okay, maybe it was just a half a dozen bottles, including some peach schnapps last opened sometime in the eighties, but it seemed very wasteful, except for watching the gin hit the drain. Gin tastes like rotting garbage. There are just some things that you can imagine entering your mouth, and how putrid they would taste. Gin, even the so-called good stuff, equals garbage. Bourbon is wonderful. Have ever heard of anyone serving gin chicken? My point exactly.

When we are out of the Land O' Boxes, and settled in the house, and if we actually make a few zillion friends whom I want to invite over for a shindig, this is the recipe that I will serve.

Bourbon Slush

2 cups sugar
9 cups water or 7 cups water and two cups tea (I use tea that I brew)
12 oz frozen orange juice concentrate (store brand is good- I use no pulp, as pulp makes me gag)
12 oz frozen lemonade concentrate
2 cups bourbon

Soda-Squirt, Wink, etc. You fill the glass with half slush and half soda, or you just let it melt a bit, and enjoy. Take a guess on how I best savor this concoction.

Bring the sugar and water to a boil. Simmer for15 minutes. Let the syrup cool then add frozen juices and bourbon. Freeze for a few days covered.

You need a big container or containers. It makes 2 1/2 quarts.

For recipes to serve along with the bourbon slush, check out Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday.

Sunday Stealing

2009-07-26T13:08:00.004-04:00

We are back from a week in Pittsburgh. SH's mom passed away. I attempted to keep my mouth shut, act compassionately, and generally failed miserably. SH is in a better mood having shot a 90 today on the golf course, while I accompanied church girl to her favorite house of worship. Are you listening from Heaven, mother in law??? See, I am not all bad.

Sunday Stealing: The "Leave It to Meme" Meme

1. Who was your FIRST date?

When I was nine, yes nine, Howie and I went shopping, and then to lunch at Isaly's.
Yes, times were different back then. What normal parents send their fourth grader on a date with a 25 year old? Just teasing...he was eleven.

I remember that he told me that I was a slow eater. I believe I had a hotdog for lunch. No, not his.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?

No

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?

I was always allowed to have a small glass of wine, or a bit of beer, when I asked. Somehow, at age nine, I convinced a babysitter that I was allowed to drink. She was the first cousin of Howie, my first date. Hmm, maybe my parents should have been a bit worried. Anyway, I drank a large glass of wine, while my parents were out for the night. I was rather tipsy when they came home. Being that my mother was always very understanding, i.e., no puking had occurred, all was forgiven.

4. What was your FIRST job?

From ages 12-14, I babysat. I was more interested in fantasizing about the dads than playing with the kids. It didn't help that one of my favorite dads always left porn mags scattered about the family room. Sorry for the digression, but Mr. B was a cutie. His son was two, and very verbal. I can still remember blushing when he said, "I'm a boy, and I have a penis." I was sort of hoping his daddy would follow suit.

My next position was telemarketing. I sold magazines. This was quite a good job for a 14 year old. Of course, the company folded, still owing me money. I then moved on to cashiering at G.C. Murphy. I was 15 and looked 12. My favorite part of that job was kissing the 21 year old shoe salesman in the stockroom at Bakers.

5. What was your FIRST car?

I stood in the car dealer with my mom, and I chose a Toyota Corolla station wagon. My other choice was something sporty, and being that cars don't thrill me, I can't recall what it was. I still drive a Toyota.

6. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?

I went to Houston when I was ten. For many years I wanted to live in Texas. It has been a long time since I changed my mind.

7. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?

My first best friend was Jamie. We were four. Both of us were short, shy, had lazy eyes, and wore glasses. She lives in Atlanta. Our moms spoke a few years ago, and Jamie didn't even remember being my friend. This doesn't bode well for me when it comes to people remaining my friend, since I moved over 800 miles at age 45.

8. Whose wedding did you attend the FIRST time?

My Aunt Ruthie's in 1968. It was also the first time that I tasted asparagus with hollandaise sauce. I was a few weeks shy of age five, and already my life revolved around food.

9. Tell us about your FIRST roommate.

In college, my first roomie was named Mary. My stepbrother read her diary when we slipped out of the room for some sort of freshman activity. When we returned he told me to ask for someone new. I scoffed at the idea. It took me a wee bit of time, and Mary eating my cookies, and hanging cheesy cat and dog posters, to understand that stepbro had learned something in Andover besides how to sneak into the girls' dorm. Mary and I parted ways within a few weeks.

10. If you had one wish, what would it be (other than more wishes)?

I wish that my daughter could hear.

11. What is something you would learn if you had the chance?

I could use a dose or twenty of motivation. Nothing comes to mind.

12. Did you marry the FIRST person you were in love with?

No

13. What were the first lessons you ever took and why?

I took ballet and tap lessons at age four. Why? Well, don't all little girls take dancing lessons?

14. What is the first thing you do when you get home?

After I remove my shoes, I often reach under my shirt, and remove my bra in that through the sleeves manner that turns on teenage boys. Okay, it wouldn't excite anyone, but it sure feels better to remove the padding, and wires that make me look presentable.

Sand, Strangers, and Buckets

2009-07-15T10:02:00.007-04:00

Visit Outdoor Wednesday for more of the great outdoors

For two hours last Saturday, I occupied the chair on the right.
Yes, I am the only family member who does not sport a tan.

BG loves the water.

This little boy was cute.
He posed a bunch, but never entered the water.
I was hoping to get some action shots.

Beach bike riding can be fun.

The pier is perfect from the beach.
I would hyperventilate if I were up that high.

This is my favorite photo.
Did you think that all I did was take pictures of tattooed women at the beach?
Another bucket.
There were tons of buckets.
Imagine that.

Miss Mermaid was hanging around just waiting for me to spot her.

She wasn't as cute as this little mermaid.
Attention Fiona, I am forced to take pictures of stranger's children,
and while adorable, they aren't as precious as your daughter.

For my best friend in PA , A1A has special meaning.
It was risky trying to get this shot.
I sent BG up the pole.

No Ink!

2009-07-12T20:06:00.006-04:00

1. Do you have a tattoo...?? if so What and where is it??
If not do you have a secret desire to have one?

I abhor tattoos, and would never get one. That said, I am equally fascinated by people who do choose to permanently alter their skin. I was going to type deface, but as much as I don't care for tattoos, I have nothing against people who have them, and do not want to give off some "I am better than you" vibe, in this post. My friend, Lou Ann, will attest to that. She has 21 tattoos, and each is very important to her.

I often photograph tattoos. This is not a case of some secret longing, but a fascination with something that I do not understand. Last Saturday, this woman was applying oil, not realizing that I was behind her clicking away.

As much as I am afraid of tanning, at least that makes more sense to me than tattoos. Maybe that is crazy thinking. Tattoos don't cause skin cancer. Hmm, I got to think about that.

Note to my daughters: Please wait until I am dead before you get even the most minuscule tattoo.

2. You have been offered a free botox treatment...where do you have them put it?

I would love to be able to afford Botox. I am rather needle phobic, but those lines in my forehead aren't too pleasing, and I would gladly have injections, if you'd like to foot the bill. While we are at it, Restylane, and some additional hair on my scalp, would be greatly appreciated. You have just missed my birthday, but an early Christmas present sounds perfect.

Yes, I would have all sorts of injectables, even poison, put in my skin, but not ink.

3. Do you have a good luck charm? what is it?

I don't recall ever having a good luck charm. I will, under great stress, count things. Wait, OCD is another story...so sorry.

4. When was the last time that you said something to someone that you REALLY wished you hadn't said?

That would be more along the lines of when have I said something that I haven't regretted. I rank as one of the most self-conscious people ever born. Right now, I am wondering whom I am going to offend with my tattoo answer.

5. The bath water is running, the phone is ringing, the dog is barking and there is someone at the door.....what do you do?

No way would I ever own a pet, so scratch the dog part. I would answer the phone and the door simultaneously. I use the bathroom while chatting on the phone. If I could somehow have portable plumbing, I would answer the door while...I know, that is gross.

6. Your best friend from high school just popped in from out of town. do you offer them a place to stay or suggest a hotel?

There are very few people I would want to stay at my home. Unless money were an issue for the friend, I would gladly find a hotel.

Best friend from adulthood, this doesn't not apply to you. I am looking forward to your visit.

7. Have you ever seen a ghost?

I am not much of a ghost believer. If they do exist, I would prefer they visit others.

8. Someone is driving in front of you rather erratically and slowing you way down...now you see that they are talking on a cell phone and checking themselves out in the mirror. The other lane is blocked off so you can not go around them. What do you do??

I don't mind being slowed down. The erratic driving would make me anxious, though. I would listen to the radio, or call a friend (and yes, I use a Bluetooth).

Proof

2009-07-08T09:16:00.008-04:00

Doris, Doris, Doris, here is proof that I did, in fact, order a pair of shoes with the birthday gift money that you so sweetly sent to me, and did not buy twenty more boxes of
frozen bananas at Publix, as you probably suspected.

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY

But, not worth going barefoot, and risking bug bites

Dear Lisa,

Thank you for your order.

Your order will ship in 1-2 business days. Once it ships, you will receive an email with shipment and tracking information, so that you can send a copy to Doris, proving that you will stop wearing the same pair of slip-on shoes that you purchased five years ago, on clearance at JC Penney's for $5. They cause people to wonder about your sanity. We are sorry to inform you that we do not carry apparel. You are on your own when it comes to the issue of clothing yourself in the same pair of blue jean capris, seven days a week.

BG's lip reading skills proved useful, while we were out and about. She noticed two women on a bench talking about my pitiful footwear choice. Because we were both signing, they thought I was also deaf, and literally pointed to my feet and commented. I was too busy trying to remember how to sign, to listen to their nasty words. HA! When I am wearing my cute, new sandals, people will not make snide remarks. Nope, they will just laugh at the bows.

A Visit with our Firstborn

2009-07-06T10:31:00.004-04:00

While SH was trying to fix PG's computer, I attempted to take a few pictures, and was met with this:

Huey, always a good doggie, did not make a silly face.

PG takes performing very seriously. This lovely booboo on her leg is the result of a Disney rehearsal. Disney has its cast members prepare for the worst. PG was told to pretend that she was falling. She decided that she should actually fall, and skin her leg. Dedication, or method acting, that's my girl!

Later that night, we had a delicious dinner at Bahama Breeze. I devoured a plate of the largest scallops that I have ever seen, surrounded by a lemon sauce, corn cakes, and a tangy jicama slaw. SH wasn't quite the pig that I was, and ordered chicken tortilla soup and a salad.

PG had chosen this restaurant by saying, "I know where we could go. I don't like it, but you will."

She then amazed me when she enjoyed the meal. The chicken, green beans, corn cakes, and mango salsa, were to her liking. PG stands for Pumpkin Girl, but could often sub for Picky Girl. I'm just sayin'.

MANGO SALSA

2 medium cut in ½-inch dice - Mangoes
2, stemmed, seeded and chopped - Jalapeno peppers
1/3 to ½ cup- Finely chopped cilantro leaves
3 Tbsp - Fresh squeezed lime juice
2 Tbsp - Fresh squeezed orange juice
1 small - Red bell pepper diced
1 small- Red onion, diced
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Place all ingredients in mixing bowl; gently fold together until evenly mixed. Refrigerate, covered for up to 3 days.

Since the mango salsa received PG's stamp of approval, I would imagine their apple mango salsa would be equally as tasty.

APPLE MANGO SALSA

Serves: 6

½ pound - Apples Granny Smith, core removed, diced ¼"
½ pound - Mango, firm ripe peeled, diced ¼"
4 oz wt - Red bell pepper, diced ¼"
4 oz wt - Red onion, diced ¼"
½ cup - Orange juice, fresh squeezed
2 Tbsp - Lime juice, fresh squeezed
3 Tbsp - Cilantro, chopped ¼"
Salt to taste

Place all the ingredients in a large bowl and mix well to evenly combine.

BG was pleased with her shrimp.

Fire Roasted Jerk Shrimp

Serves 2
Makes 2 3/4 cups

Beer, your favorite ½ cup
Allspice, ground ¼ tsp
Scotch Bonnet Pepper*, minced ½ tsp
Garlic, chopped 1 tsp
Thyme leaves 1 tsp
Scallions, sliced 1 TBSP
Shrimp, medium size 12 oz
Butter, melted 4 TBSP
Cuban or French Baguette 1 loaf

*Be sure to use gloves when mincing Scotch bonnet peppers.
Wash hands thoroughly to prevent heat transfer from peppers.

Preheat oven to 500ºF; place beer, spice and herbs in a 1 quart baking dish; add the shrimp. Top the shrimp with melted butter. Slice the loaf of bread into 1-inch thick slices. Place shrimp and bread on the middle rack of the oven, separately. Remove from oven when bread is golden and shrimp is bubbling hot. This should take 4 -5 minutes. Enjoy!

This jicama slaw recipe isn't from the restaurant's website, but it sounds delicious. I especially like how the directions are for camping. My one foray into camping, included sleeping in a trailer, which I don't think really counts as roughing it. Prissy Girl, I mean, PG, hasn't even done that, while her sister, once slept at camp, on the ground, without even a tent. Since SH does not have fond memories of boy scout camp, I better save this recipe for serving at home.

Jicama Slaw

2 carrots, peeled and julienned
1 small jicama (about 1 1/4 lbs.), peeled and julienned
1 large red bell pepper, cored and very thinly sliced
1/4 head red cabbage, cored and very thinly sliced
1/2 red onion, halved lengthwise and very thinly sliced lengthwise, rinsed, and patted dry
6 tablespoons olive oil
6 tablespoons unseasoned rice vinegar
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon minced cilantro leaves, plus more for garnish
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon red chile flakes

At home: Put cut vegetables in a large resealable plastic bag. Keep, chilled, up to 2 days.

At home: Combine oil, vinegar, lime juice, minced cilantro, salt, pepper, sugar, chili powder, and chile flakes in a small resealable plastic bag or container. Keep, chilled, up to 2 days.

At campsite: Add dressing to vegetables, shake to combine well, and let sit 15 minutes, stirring 2 or 3 times. Serve garnished with cilantro, if you like.

Visit Tempt My Tummy Tuesday, Tuesdays at the Table, and Tasty Tuesday to see what everyone is cooking!